


Haru Haru

by TopandGdforever



Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anorexia, Bulimia, Child Abuse, Eating Disorders, M/M, Mental Health problems, OCD, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, im really sorry jiyong, its very upsetting youare forewarned, seungri in this is a precious bean and should be protected at all costs, sexual assault trigger, top is bad with emotions, why all my fics so dark, younbae is a good brother
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 18:15:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 27,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8024032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TopandGdforever/pseuds/TopandGdforever
Summary: "I think I'm sick."





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone's ages are fucked and in not the usual order forgive me:  
> Jiyong: newly 16  
> Daesung: 17  
> Youngbae: 19  
> Seungri: almost 15  
> Seunghyun:18  
> ALSO SE JUN IS NOT BASED OFF A REAL PERSON. IDK IF THERE IS A KPOP IDOL WITH THAT NAME BUT I THOUGHT I'D TELL YOU THAT HE'S AN OC. SORRY TO ANY JUNS OUT THERE.

Jiyong stood in his new room uncomfortably, he didn’t want to touch the new furniture. He didn’t want to mess up the freshly made bed with sheets that had never been used, he didn’t want to touch the desk and get fingerprints over the glossy wood, he didn’t want to tarnish what was pure. The pale yellow walls had never been dirtied by childhood mistakes or accidental dents. He didn’t want to tarnish the fresh start he was lucky enough to be given.  
The twin size bed with the pale blue bed set looked appealing to him right now, having not slept much in the past weeks. He took off his shoes, neatly lining them up next to the door, as he came closer to the bed he noticed it wasn’t just plain blue bedding, it had tiny little foxes, Jiyong’s favorite animal. This gave Jiyong a little smile. Sure the bedding wasn’t appropriate for a 16 year old but, he felt loved that his mother remembered how much the animal calmed him.  
He thought of getting in the sheets but he didn’t want his hospital clothes dirting them. Jiyong instead went over to his dresser drawers, the first drawer held new boxer briefs and socks. He picked out a pair of heather gray ones, laying them neatly on top of the dresser, for socks he picked a pair of gray ones as well. The second drawer was pajama sets, he chose a cotton pajama set in a light blue color similar to his bed spread.  
He took the items and walked out into the hallway, while he was away his parents had enough to put up pictures of their family in the tan hallway. Jiyong didn’t look at them, he never felt he had the right to anymore. He wanted the pictures to stay in their perfect happy way, he didn’t want to look at them, especially pictures of him, in a sad foreshadowing way. Jiyong shook off the family eyes staring at him through a picture frame and made his way to the bathroom.  
As he opened up the bathroom he noticed there was no lock. Jiyong knew it didn’t come this way and that his parent’s did that intentionally.  
There was a little sign on the outside, he read it, one side said occupied and the other said vacant. Jiyong flipped the occupied side up, then closed the door behind him. The bathroom was spotless, not even a hair in the sink or a spec of water. Jiyong look up at the mirror, staring at himself for a moment before looking away and shaking his head. He laid the new clothes on the large counter and turned the water in the shower on. He began to get undressed, laying his hospital clothes neatly on the toilet cover. Jiyong tried his best not to look at his body but he caught a glimpse of the scars on his hips. His stomach got a little queasy thinking about the scars, he still hadn’t gotten used to them.  
Jiyong stepped in the hot shower, it was ones of those sliding door the one like Jun-, he shook his head, don’t think about him.  
He began to wash himself, he didn’t like touching his body but he also didn’t like being dirty. His head leaned up against the shower wall as he washed his up torso.  
“God, you are so pretty baby.”  
Jiyong shook a little thinking of him. It was pathetic that he couldn’t just move on. He was a weak boy.  
When Jiyong finished his shower he dried himself off with a fluffy yellow towel. He changed into the cotton pajamas, soft against his sensitive skin. He smelled the fabric softener on his shirt, the sleeve of the pj right under his nose. He took the dirty clothes with him, not being able to find the hamper. As he meandered through the hallway, he heard his mother humming downstairs.  
Jiyong walked lightly down the carpeted stairs, following the sound of the hum. He found himself in a room that he assumed was his parents’ study. His mother sat in a cushy leather chair in the corner reading a book. Her short dark brown hair falling slightly in her face. She didn’t hear him enter, he knocked on the open door.  
His mother looked up and smiled.  
“Hi sweetie.” She beckoned for him to come over to her, he stayed in the doorframe.  
“Where is the clothes hamper?” Jiyong said softly, raising the dirty clothes in his hands.  
“It’s in your closet but why don't we just throw that handful of clothes away?” She put down her book and stood up, walking towards him. He shied a little, it being inate now no matter who it was. She took the clothes in her hands and he followed her into the garage, it was empty aside from her fiat and some large trash cans, she dumped the clothes in, wiping her hands together when she was done.  
“There.” She smiled going back in the house.  
A she walked back Jiyong decided to follow, not really knowing what to do with his time. She entered the study again resuming her activity. He stood in the door frame,figuring it would be rude to come in and disrupt her. Jiyong turned away, and started to walk away.  
“Sweetie why don’t you come sit with me? I’d love to have a buddy, you can pick out a book off the shelf.”  
He turned back to her, “I don’t want to disturb you.”  
“Psh you not are disturbing me, I’d love to hang out my baby.” She patted the arm part of the chair next to her, it was identical to hers, he assumed it was his father's.  
He walked in meekly, going to the shelf to pick out a book, he stood confused, not really sure what he enjoyed to read anymore. Jiyong saw his mother out of the corner of his eye looking a bit concerned, as always.  
“Want a suggestion?”  
He nodded a yes and she joined him to stare at the shelf.  
“Ah.” Her face lit up when she found a book, she pulled it off the shelf.  
She handed him the thin dark orange book. He took it with his small hands. She went back to her book and Jiyong went to sit in his father’s armchair. As they read, Jiyong read slow, having a hard time focusing on the book, his mind was always in a million peices.  
Jiyong heard a soft meow,he looked over to find Ed, the family’s fluffy cat, walking in. Ed blubbered in, deciding to come to Jiyong. He looked Jiyong right in the eyes and meow, telling him to pick him up. Jiyong picked up the fat cat and the cat snuggled in his lap. He pet the purring kitten while he read.  
“I like the bedding by the way.” He gave a small smile.  
His mother looked at his smile with joy in her heart, “I’m glad.”


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong is welcomed home by Daesung and Seungri and then Youngbae comes for a visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how to italicize on here so anything that I wanted to italicize will be marked with +  
> If you do know how please let me know I'd appreciate the help!  
> Sorry this took awhile.  
> Also thanks for 200 reads in like a week, that's incredible and way more than I ever thought this would get.

The living room television played an unfamiliar old black and white tv show, but the content didn’t matter to Jiyong, who was lounging on the couch. The tv was on to silence the silence, the small murmur of the tv audio keeping Jiyong’s mind from thinking too much. He had always had this habit, whether it was listening to music while he was falling asleep or listening to a comedian in his earbuds while getting ready in the morning. Outside blabbering had always helped him stay calm, he didn’t like loudness however, just a relatively faint distraction. In the hospital he might’ve had the murmuring of other patients and nurses but at night, when he was all alone, the silence would consume him and he would find it hard to breath. So now, no matter how boring the show was that was on, the background noise it created made Jiyong smile a bit. 

He was combing his hair lazily with his fingers, he had never liked his hair so it had been a habit of his to fuss with it. Just like with the background noise, Jiyong did not like to break a habit. His hair was still slightly damp, the water feeling cool against his fingers and scalp. He was surprised, when he bought his combing hand down to study it, to find only a few hairs resting in his palm. A few months ago he swore that he was going bald by the amount of hair falling out of his head. The lack of hair didn’t look noticeable but it felt like he was losing enough hair per day to make an entire wig.  
He smiled again to himself before going back to mess with his hair, scratching his scalp for relief.  
“JIYONG!” A booming voice yelled.  
Jiyong jumped a little before turning towards the doorway to see the owner of the voice. Seungri was running over to him, the younger, yet meatier, boy pounced on him, tackling him so that Jiyong was now laying on his back with the younger boy snuggling into his chest.  
He knew he had nothing to be afraid of but the psychical contact caught him off guard and made him freeze in an irrational fear. He could start to feel his lip quiver out of panic.  
“Seungri don’t you know it’s rude to tackle people.” Daesung came into Jiyong’s limited view and tugged the younger boy off.  
Seungri’s smile faded when he saw the badly hidden panic on Jiyong’s face.  
“Sorry I-”  
“Sorry for what? You didn’t do anything wrong.” Jiyong tried his best to pull off a smile and he sat up, arms shaking a little.  
“I’m glad you’re back! Can I have a hug.” Daesung smiled, trying his best to make the situation lighter.  
“Of course.” Jiyong held out his arms, Daesung gave him a big hug, rubbing his back to sooth him a little.  
“Isn’t this new house the best?!” Seungri was back to his chattering self.  
Jiyong smiled a gave a nod, staring up at the ceiling as Seungri babbled on excitedly. Daesung's hand rested on Jiyong’s shoulder, he rubbed it every so often to bring Jiyong back to the world he was in now.  
“Have you seen my room Hyung?!” Seungri asked, bouncing the couch in his scrabbled moments. His eyes big and filled with joy.  
“Not yet.”  
“Let me show you!” Seungri jumped, grabbing his brother’s hand and forcing Jiyong up.  
“He’s not a rag doll maknae.” Daesung laughed.  
Seungri ignored him, taking Jiyong up the stairs, Jiyong looked back at Daesung with puppy eyes. Daesung sighed and got up to follow the two.  
“Here it is in all it’s glory!” Seungri said as he and Jiyong stood in the center of the bedroom.Unlike Jiyong’s room it was lived in. The bed was unmade and dirty clothes cluttered the floor. He had figurines, video games, and anything a 14 year old boy could dream of. Jiyong gave a warm smile as Seungri showed him different things.  
“Seungri this isn’t the first time he’s seen this stuff, he has been in your previous room many a time.”  
“No, I like the tour.” Jiyong giggled.  
The giggle bought a big smile on both of the other two’s faces, they hadn’t heard Jiyong laugh in a long time and it felt like they were finally home.  
They all ended up lounged on the maknaes bed playing mario wii. Jiyong enjoying the cries of silly frustration of his two brothers when they lost a life or a mushroom.  
“Wait I have to go pee before the next level.” Seungri hopped up, bolting out the door.  
The other two sat in a comfortable silence, the type you could only have with someone you had a special bond with.  
“Have you gotten your computer back, or your phone?” Daesung asked.  
Jiyong shook his head “Hopefully today although, I bet a lot of sites will be blocked.”  
“Like what?” Daesung said before he blew a tuft of hair out of his eye.  
“Twitter, instagram, facebook, any social media really. I mean I can see why, it wouldn’t do me any good seeing what kids from school wrote but still, I don’t like all this babying.”  
“It’ll get better over time. You just got to think from mom and dad’s perspective.”  
“Yeah.”  
They sat in silence for another moment, Daesung playing absentmindedly with Jiyong’s shoelace.  
“ Have you seen Youngbae any?” Jiyong bit his lip.  
“A little.” Daesung shrugged.  
“Who you guys talking about?” Seungri came back into the room, blocking off further questioning.  
“Youngbae.”  
“He’s coming for dinner tonight, did you know? I’m so excited!”  
Jiyong felt the color drain from his face.  
“You okay hyung? Aren’t you excited?”  
\---  
Jiyong didn’t look up from his empty dinner plate, eyes glued to it. They all sat at the table waiting. Youngbae had called and said he’d be a couple minutes late. Daesung and Seungri played with their forks, battling each other while his parents spoke of their day. The seat beside Jiyong was empty, meant for Youngbae, and Jiyong cursed his mother silently. He was nervous wreck in his head.  
The door opened, Jiyong heard footsteps.  
“Hyung!” Seungri got up and rushed over to the footsteps.Jiyong still wouldn't look up as he heard the greetings form each family member. He didn’t look up when he felt a presence sit next to him.  
The presence took Jiyong’s hand in his own and rubbed it. It caught Jiyong off guard. The other hand went up to lift Jiyong’s face to his own, Jiyong was greeted by a big smile, a smile Jiyong wanted to melt into. There wasn't a hint of anything else but love, confusion crossed jiyong’s face.  
“Hey.” Youngbae said warmly,”I missed you a lot.”  
Jiyong nodded, “M-me too.”  
“Dinner?” Their mother’s voice said.  
The boys turned back to the table, Jiyong giving a small smile.  
Everyone began to fill their own plates, as Jiyong reached for his own plate his mother took it instead, giving him a look. He sigh and nodded to carry on, his hands falling limp in his lap, a slight pout on his lips. He watched as his mother filled his plate, once she was done she set it gently in front of him. Seungri and Daesung had already begun eating, Jiyongs stomach growled and he picked up his fork.  
+“Fat piece of shit.”+  
Jiyong tried to ignore the voice and picked up a forkful of rice.  
+“You’re gonna be even uglier if you gain weight.”+  
Jiyong bit his tongue before taking the bite, the feeling of chewing food disgusted him so he ate quickly. Staring at the daisy tablecloth to get keep his mind distracted. He studied the yellow flowers in their swirling pattern, it had always been his mother’s favorite tablecloth, it was one of the only things from the old house that made it in the new house. Or at least one of the only things that was out publicly and not tucked away in a family member’s room privately.  
Jiyong snapped out the trance the tablecloth had put him in when he felt Youngbae’s hand uncurl his own. He looked down at his unused hand to see some blood rising from his palm, he had been clenching his hand unnoticed and his uncut nails had broke the skin.  
Youngbae took a paper napkin and placed it in his younger brothers hand, helping to stop the bleeding. His hands patted the palm gently before going back to eating his own supper.  
Jiyong blinked and looked up to see no one else had noticed, they were chatting and eating perfectly normal. He looked back to see that the food he had been eating was only half through being done. His brain screamed as he begun the process again.  
\----  
“Hey.”  
Jiyong looked up from the toilet bowl wide eyed to see Youngbae standing in the doorway frowning. Jiyong was kneeling on the floor, wiping the small drip of vomit from his lips.  
“You couldn’t even wait until I was gone?”  
“How’d you know?” Jiyong’s voice was a bit rasp from the stomach acid.  
“Just because you get past Mom and Dad’s obliviousness doesn’t mean you fool me.” Youngbae gave a small but sad chuckle, closing the bathroom door behind him and taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub next to Jiyong.  
Jiyong shifted to sit crisscross applesauce, “You always did have a 6th sense about me.”  
“Yeah.”  
They sat in silence.  
“I’m sorry you were the one who found me. You weren’t suppose to be the one you found me.”  
“Than who was?” Youngbae locked eyes with Jiyong.  
Jiyong shrugged, “I don’t know, I didn’t really think of that.” He brought his eyes away to stare at his feet.  
They sat in more silence.  
“Why aren’t you pissed at me?” Jiyong looked back up.  
“Because what does me being mad at you accomplish? I don’t need to add more shitty things to your life. Me being pissy at you doesn’t benefit either one of us.” Youngbae bit his lip.  
“Are you not even a tiny bit mad at me?”  
“I’m just really sad. I’m more mad at myself to be honest.”  
“Why?”  
“I should’ve figured out what was going on sooner.”  
“I mean nobody did.”  
“Yeah but I should’ve been the one to figure it out, I was the only one who could’ve figured it out. Mom and Dad are never home enough to notice. Daesung and Seungri are too stuck in their innocence and happy ignorance to notice. I, Youngbae, the one who's always promised to have your back and be there for you, wasn’t.” The older had begun to tear up. “ You had nobody to help you, and I should’ve been a better brother and helped you. I should’ve been there sooner, I should’ve been there to stop him after the first time, I should’ve been there to stop you when you were hurting yourself. But instead I was only there to find you almost dead from a self overdose, lying pitifully in a cold bathtub, your face so beaten up that I could barely recognized you.” He was sobbing.”And the even shitty part is that I, like the dick I am, left you alone in the goddamn hospital. Didn’t visit you, abandoned you, just because I didn’t feel good, I didn’t want to have to face the facts that it was partially my fault that you thought you had to do what you did. I didn’t think about how you probably felt alone, unloved, and abandoned. When I saw how afraid and hurt you looked this afternoon when I walked in, it killed me. I wasn’t the one who got tormented by that monster and I wasn’t the one who had nowhere to turn, you were. I’m so sorry Jiyong.” Youngbae buried his face in his hands.  
Jiyong scooted closer, tugging Youngbae’s muscular arm so that the older was brought to sit on the cool tile floor as well. Jiyong pushed Youngbae’s head to his chest, using his fingers to comb through his Hyung’s hair in hopes to calm him down.  
“I was never upset with you Hyung, I was upset because I thought my actions would make me lose you and I love you more than anyone. I wanna try to be better so that I won’t ever have the chance of you one day actually abandoning me over what I’ve done.”  
Youngbae lifted his head, he had stopped sobbing, tears still ran down his face but he had caught his breath.  
“I wanna be here for you. Okay?”  
Jiyong nodded, resting his head on his brother’s shoulder. That sat for a moment, comforting one another.  
“You know throwing up was a real shitty way of showing you are trying to get better.”  
They both gave a small desperate laugh.  
“I know. I know.”


	3. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little baby chapter. Chapter 4 will be out in the next couple days and it will be a big boy.   
> Also this almost has 300 reads. Like wtf??? #bigbangblessed

+“I’m gonna do this no matter what so you can cry into the pillow. I don’t wanna beat you but I will if I have to.”+  
Jiyong woke up trembling, his new sheets drenched in sweat. He was tangled up in them. His eyes gazed around the dark room and landed on a figure in the doorway. This made Jiyong jolt up, quickly crawling into the corner, curling up in a ball. Jiyong his knee harshly on his nightstand as he did so, he didn't seem to notice, stuck in a dark memory.  
“Don’t hurt me!” Jiyong screamed, beginning to sob.  
The light turned on, there stood Seungri, he was in his pajamas rubbing his eye sleepily.  
“Jiyong it’s me, Seungri. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He rushed over to Jiyong who screamed and sobbed louder.   
The older shook badly, he sounded like he had breathing problems. Seungri stared wide eyed, crouching down at the same level Jiyong was at to study the boy, freezing in the uncertainty of what he should do to help his Hyung.  
“What happened?” Their mother and father came into the room. All of them crowding around Jiyong.  
“I don’t know! I heard screaming so I came in here. He saw me in the doorway and crawled into the corner screaming begging me not to hurt him.” Seungri voice faltered and cracked due to his panicked nature.   
“It’s the PTSD, he must have had a night terror.” His mother said as she tried to touch Jiyong, he yelp, curling into himself even more.  
“Please Jun please.” He sobbed.   
“I’ll go get his emergency medication,” his father said, quickly leaving the room.   
“Jiyong you are in your new room, you are with Seungri and your mother. You are safe, nothing bad is gonna happen. You are safe.” His mother spoke in a soothing voice.  
Jiyong calmed down a little bit.   
“You are safe.” His mom repeated.  
Jiyong lifted his head, “Mommy?” He trembled, tears falling out of his eyes.  
“Yes it’s your mommy.” She held her arms wide open.   
Jiyong practically jumped in her arms.   
“Shh, it’s okay baby.” She rubbed his back.  
Jiyong’s father entered the room again. He held a cup of water and two small pills.  
“Here you go.” His father said, his tired eyes conveyed a sense of pity.   
Jiyong’s mother let go of him for a moment to take the items.   
“Will you take this for mommy? It will make you calm.” She made Jiyong look her in the eyes, checking to make sure he was back with them.  
Jiyong took the medication, still trembling, his mother holding the cup of water while he took small sips.   
“Why don’t you go back to bed? He’ll be okay sweetheart.” She said softly to Seungri who was trying his hardest not to cry.   
“O-okay.” Seungri answered, getting up hestintanley.  
“Come on. I’ll come tuck you back in.” Their father said to him, almost as if he was a baby again.   
Seungri accepted the offer, taking his father’s hand as they left.   
Jiyong was whispered to himself under his breath, it was too unintelligible for his mother to understand.  
“Let’s put you back in your bed.” She helped the dazed boy up, bittersweetly thanking that he didn’t weigh much.   
As she laid him down he held a tight grasp to her arm. She examined him, finding stain on his pajama pants on his knee. She rolled up the pant gently, fearing that if she were to pull down his pants he would start to go back into the flashback he was struggling to get out of already. When the pant was rolled up to his upper thigh she examined his knee. He had a shallow but large cut running along his knee and lower thigh. It looked nastier than it actually was but the bleeding needed to be taken care of. It wasn’t because it was bleeding so bad he would die but rather she didn’t want to stain his sheets, the blood on his pajama pant would already be a task to get out. She also didn’t want it to get a small infection. She would wait until he fell asleep, too afraid to leave him alone even for a minute in this state. He wasn’t shaking nearly as bad but the self mumbling didn’t stop, and his eyes were glazed over. She combed through his dark hair and hummed quietly. Soon he was asleep, looking relaxed. His mother gently removed his hand, she studied the small white scars on his wrists with a pout, they were faint enough now but every time she caught a glimpse of them she felt a layer of guilt settle on her shoulders. She placed his arm on his side, shaking the thoughts out of her head and getting up to go get the bandages and the iodine out of the bathroom.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiyong's first day of school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait I was an emotional wreck after the boy meets evil trailer.  
> New characters!(most of them are unimportant side characters so if you don't know some of the idols very well don't worry):  
> Mr. Jeong (Jeong Hyeong-don from Weekly idol)  
> CL from 2ne1  
> Bobby from ikon  
> Mino from winner  
> Suga from bts  
> Woozi from seventeen  
> Jackson from Got7  
> AND OF COURSE MY BOY T.O.P.  
> 

“Do you think cats can read minds?” Seungri asked with his mouth half full of cereal.  
Seungri and Jiyong sat in the kitchen eating breakfast while they waited for their hyung to get ready. It had been a week since Jiyong had been here and this had been the day Jiyong dreaded about the entire week. He would be going back to school, granted a different school, but a school nonetheless. Jiyong tried his best to keep from turning into a trembling mess and to keep somewhat of a composure in front of Seungri. He was terrified, completely terrified. Jiyong hadn’t gone to school since late November and it was half a month into January, the second semester of the school year starting two weeks ago, he was already behind.  
“Earth to hyung, I’m trying to get answers here.” Seungri waved his hand in Jiyong’s face, snapping the older out of his thought.  
“Huh? Oh, no cats can’t read minds.”  
“You lie, I can tell by their eyes that they know what the fuck is up.” Seungri shot a look to Ed who sat licking himself on the kitchen tile.  
“Sure.” Jiyong laughed softly, returning back to his breakfast, his cereal had gone mushy.  
He sighed standing up from the kitchen stool to empty the cereal in the sink. Seungri looked as if he was going to object to Jiyong not eating his breakfast but Jiyong walked over to the pantry digging out a granola bar and flashing it to his brother. He unwrapped it, taking a small bite, his stomach too upset to eat but he knew if he didn’t pass his weekly weight check Youngbae would kill him.  
He frowned at the taste of the high fructose corn syrup flavoring of the granola bar wishing he would have just eaten the mushy raisin bran.  
“I’m onto you.” Seungri said as he squinted his eyes at the cat, the cat ignore him and kept licking his own leg.  
“Why are you giving death glares to the cat? Did he blackmail you or something?” Daesung giggled as he entered the kitchen.  
“Probably, he knows too much.”  
“You are one strange child.” Daesung grinned reaching to grab an apple off the counter, “Are we ready to head out?”  
Jiyong’s stomach dropped.  
Seungri hopped out of his chair picking up his backpack along with Jiyongs, he walked over to his older brother who was frozen next to the pantry.  
“Don’t forget this.” Seungri smiled warmly.  
Jiyong nodded a thanks before taking his backpack, swallowing a huge gulp of air he followed Daesung to the front door, Seungri following in the back. Jiyong knew Seungri was doing this on purpose, because if he walked behind Jiyong he could make sure Jiyong didn’t stop walking.  
They stopped at the front door to put on their coats, the school blazers weren’t enough warmth for the boys on this frigid Monday. Jiyong practically swimmed in his coat, it ended right above his knee. He already looked stupid enough in his school outfit that was too big for his body, and the coat just made his chicken legs more noticeable for the other student to make fun of. Jiyogn would refuse to wear it but while he looked like a toothpick swallowed by a marshmallow in the coat he also had no fat to keep him warm enough to go without the coat. Jiyong sighed and decided to ignore the coat for the time being and to immediately take it off once he stepped foot into the school door  
Daesung opened the door, the harsh morning air hitting the boy’s face, it made Jiyong even less eager to go.They left the home, Jiyong staring longingly at the house as they made their way to Daesung’s suv. They piled in, Daesung insisting that Jiyong sit in the passenger seat, Jiyong guess that he wanted him to do so so that he wasn’t sitting alone in the back to wallow in the fear of the new school.  
“I got it from my daddy.” Daesung sang along to the mixed cd he made playing in the car stereo.  
Jiyong closed his eyes and pressed his head against the window in hope that the cold glass would calm him or at least save him the headache that was forming from Daesung's comedic singing.  
“And we are here.” Seungri said happily.  
Jiyong opened his eyes and cursed silently as he saw the school they were turning into. Why couldn’t it have been farther away? Jiyong wasn’t ready for this.  
He studied the school as Daesung went to find a parking spot. It was a gigantic school that looked relatively new, he remember his mother mentioning it was built less than 10 years ago. The architecture made the roofs slanted with large windows floor to ceiling at the entrance. His olde school looked like a shack in comparison.  
Jiyong watched masses of students walking into the school.  
“H-how many kids go here?” Jiyong asked wide eyed.  
“Like 5000.” Daesung answered as he pulled into a parking space.  
Jiyong felt numb as the number sank into his head. If he couldn’t deal with the 500 kids at his old school how was he gonna deal here?  
“Are you okay.” He felt a warm hand touch his face and he jumped, pushing himself on the window. He quickly burying his face in his elbow.  
Daesung still had his arm stretched out as he studied his younger brother.  
“Seungri?” Daesung flew his hand in the back to get the younger boys attention, he had been listening to his ipod loudly the whole time.  
“Yeah” Seungri took out a headphone.  
“Can you head to class?” I need to talk to Jiyong for a minute.  
“Sure. I’ll see you at lunch!” Seungri grabbed his bag opening the door.  
“Have a good first day Hyung!” Seungri said right before he closed the door.  
Daesung turned back around, he reached to touch Jiyong again but decided otherwise, putting his hands awkwardly in his lap.  
“No one is gonna hurt you here.”  
“You don’t know that! It’s so big here and there are so many older boys that I don’t know and I don’t trust and everyone is gonna look at me funny because I’m an ugly toothpick who has ill fitting clothes.”  
“Listen if anyone tries to fuck with you you get me and I’ll kill them. All you gotta do is say the word. I promise. Also who gives a shit about what some dumb kids think of you? It doesn’t matter what they say because to me Kwon Jiyong is one of the best people on the planet and a great younger brother.”  
Jiyong looked up and Daesung gave him a toothy smile.  
“Come on I’ll make sure you get to your class and I’ll guard you like I’m in the secret service.” Daesung joked.  
Jiyong gave a small smile before nodding. He shakily undid his seatbelt as Daesung turned off the car. Daesung got out of the car first walking over to Jiyong’s door and opening it.  
Jiyong sucked in a big breath before his feet hit the pavement.  
Daesung closed the door behind him and gave him an encouraging smile as they began to walk. Daesung was careful to keep Jiyong from walking through large crowds, going around them instead of cutting through. Jiyong followed him like a puppy, keeping his eyes locked on Daesung’s feet to keep from noticing any stares directed towards him. Even though the sun had come out more and it was brighter, the cold had not faltered even slightly and Jiyong was frozen to the bone by the time they actually made it to the front of the school. Daesung stopped abruptly, almost causing Jiyong to bump into him.  
“There is a crowd at the door that we will have to go through.” Daesung said.  
Jiyong looked up to see kids surrounding the doorway, either trying to enter and get to their classes on time or stopping to talk to friends inconsiderate of other’s pathways. Jiyong’s stomach hurt when he realized that no matter what he did he was going to physically contact a few strangers to get into the building. He knew it was only bumps in shoulders or grazes of stomachs but Jiyong felt an irrational anxiety blooming.  
“Hold on to my backpack and I’ll guide us through as gracefully as I can. Just know it’ll be okay.” Daesung quietly reassured.  
Jiyong meekly grabbed onto one of the little steps used to adjust Daesung's backpack and took a deep breath.  
“I’m ready.”  
Daesung nodded and started to walk again, Jiyong was too afraid to look up. He heard the voices getting louder as they approached, so close that he could hear individual conversations rather than an overall combined murmur.  
Jiyong could see many shoes appear in his vision and he knew that they were entering the crowd.He could feel the warmth that radiated from other people's bodies while the talking became all too much for him, his brain trying to focus on each voice all at once.  
His first accidental contact was a bump in his shoulders, a sudden burst of panic hit him but he felt more rounded even shorter than him, it must’ve been a girl and a girl couldn’t hurt him.  
“I’m sorry.” He mumbled.  
“No worries.” The voice was soft and high pitched and it made his anxiety go down a little.  
The second contact was a leg brushing past, it was a boy’s leg, he could tell by the coarse hair, he bit lip his brain screamed at him to run.  
“Sorry.” The voice was friendly and cheerful.  
“I-it’s fine.” Jiyong managed to get out, his hand gripped the backpack strap tighter.  
When they got a few feet away he let out breath he had been holding.  
Before long he could feel the hot air hit him and the wind disappeared, less shoes appeared in his line of sight, they were out of the pack.  
They walked a little longer, Jiyong stared at the gray tile on the floor as he tried to take deep breaths.  
“Ji.” Daesung said.  
Jiyong finally looked up to see Daesung giving him a smile, he could see his eyes glancing over him to make sure he was okay. They stood in a stairwell that was pretty desolate.  
“You good?”  
“Yeah.” Jiyong nodded.  
“Good. I’m gonna take you to the office now, that’s what mom said to do.”  
“Okay”  
He followed Daesung as he looked at the brightly color posters and signs that filled the walls. Some informed of school assemblies, clubs, dances. Jiyong always liked to study them, he liked to see what other people thought would appeal to students.  
As they entered the main offices Jiyong looked to see two older women sitting behind a long c shaped desk.There were only a couple students in there, filling out random paperwork or giving a leave early slip to get notarized. Daesung walked up to one of the women.  
“Hello ma'am my brother is joining this school today and I was told to bring him here. He’s name is Kwon Jiyong.”  
“Hold on a second.” The lady said thumbing through some papers before she found what she wanted in the stack and pulled it out.  
She read over it quickly before looking back up at the two boys, she stared directly at Jiyong, he eyes piercing his soul.  
“He is gonna be put in Mr. Jeong’s class, usually we would tell him where to go but with Mr. Jeong’s students we call him down to come get him. You two or just him can go sit in the chairs and I’ll call him down.”  
Jiyong was confused, who was Mr. Jeong and why couldn’t he walk there himself. Daesung and Jiyong walked over to the lounge area where they sat on chairs that were an ugly shade of blue.  
“Why does he have to come get me.”  
“Mr. Jeong teaches special kids, not mentally handicapped, more well uh, not suitable for regular class.”  
Jiyong frowned, “Why aren’t I a fucking normal kid?”  
“Jiyong-” Daesung didn’t know what to say.  
“Yeah yeah.” Jiyong wiped his runny nose on his coat sleeve.  
“I have to head to class will you be okay by yourself?”  
“Yes.”  
“Okay. Just remember that both Seungri and I are in the building if you need us. Have a good day.” Daesung hugged Jiyong tightly before getting up and leaving.  
He remembered that he was gonna take the coat off as soon as possible so he unzipped and pulled it off, he cradled it in his arms. His fingers ran over the faux fur on the hood of the coat absentmindedly.  
“Jiyong?” A warm voice called.  
Jiyong looked up to see a plump adorable (in the platonic sense) man. His face was chubby and made Jiyong wonder his age, he guess early 40s but he couldn’t be too sure. The man looked friendly, warm, and harmless.  
“Are you Jiyong?” He pointed at Jiyong forming his face into a curious but precious look.  
Jiyong nodded his head.  
“I knew it! Glad to meet you Jiyong! Are you a handshaker, a hugger, or a too cool for a greeting type of guy?” Mr. Jeong asked.  
Jiyong looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights, “I don’t like hugging or handshakes sir but I’m mean no disrespect.” Jiyong blushed embarrassed.  
“I’m just joking with you, any greeting is good with me as long as you don’t punch me in the face or something.” He laughed.  
Jiyong gave a small smile.  
“Well Jiyong would you like to head to class?”  
Jiyong nodded quickly picking up his things and following the older man.  
The halls were empty since classes began 5 minutes ago and Jiyong could hear his footsteps.  
“So how my class works is you are in my class all day, because you don’t have other teachers you have to do a lot of boring textbook work however you get to spend the whole day with the best teacher in the whole.” Mr. Jeong laughed.  
“Will I be in your class for the rest of my time in this school?”  
“It depends, you are in there for this semester at least, it all depends on wether by the time each semester starts I, the staff, your parents, and you think you are ready to enter the conventional classroom.”  
Jiyong frowned, feeling even more babied.  
“We do have lots of fun though, games, movie day's, activities. Hopefully you like it.” Mr. Jeong smiled warmly.  
“Do you know- about me?”  
“A little, nothing too private. Your mom and I had a conference a week back.”  
Jiyong fet even more embarrassed, he probably knew about +him+.  
They walked for another minute before stopping at a closed door classroom.  
“Here we are, after today you can come straight here. I’m sorry if you felt over babied that I had to come get you today.” Mr. Jeong laughed.  
He opened the door, when he realized Jiyong didn’t seem the type to walk in first, he walked walked in himself beaconing Jiyong to follow.  
He could hear kids yelling as he entered the room.  
“MINHO I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU CALL ME GAY ONE MORE TIME-” A boy with a long face and short dread screamed at a boy with long hair tucked under a baseball cap which Jiyong presumed was Minho. The dread boy was leaning over a table to spit in the boy’s face.  
“I CALL YOU GAY BECAUSE YOU ARE LITERALLY DATING ME. YOU ARE SUCH A FUCK QUEER ASS FUCK BOY BOBBY.” Minho spat back  
Bobby knocked the cap off the boy in frustration,”I WILL KILL YOU.” Jiyong foze in fear as Bobby grabbed Minho’s shirt roughly.  
The fuming boys gawked at each other before, much to Jiyong surprised, they startled cracking up giggling like school girls. Bobby let go of Minho’s shirt before turning to face Mr. Jeong and Jiyong.  
“Did we spook you new boy with our fake fight?!” Bobby asked with a toothy smile.  
Jiyong was shaking, still scared.  
“That was seriously not funny you two.” Mr. Jeong frowned, he looked at Jiyong in concern, “Are you okay?”  
Suddenly Jiyong burst out crying, scared shitless, he didn’t want to be here.  
“Shit it was just a joke.” Minho got up walking over to Jiyong with puppy dog eyes he put his arms out to hug Jiyong. Jiyong jumped back hitting his back against the wall.  
“Don’t touch him.”  
“Sorry sorry sorry sorry. I blame Bobby.”  
“Hey!” Bobby said, awkwardly standing where he was, not sure what to do.  
“Great way to start off the morning dumb and dumber.” A girl’s voice rang.  
Jiyong has been so preoccupied with fear that he hadn’t noticed the couple other kids in the small classroom who sat silently.  
He looked through a stream of tears to see the owner of the girl's voice walk over to them, the click of her heels echoing the room.  
“Here precious child.” He flinched as her hand moved towards him, he was surprised to feel the texture of a tissue on his cheeking. She was wiping his tears away delicately.  
“Don’t worry I will make sure all these dick bags don’t hurt you.” She cooed.  
He had begun to stop crying as she put her other hand on his jaw to caress it softly. As his vision got better he saw the girl clearly, she was drop dead beautiful with dark cat eyeliner and silver hair.  
“My name is Cl.” she hugged Jiyong, ignoring Mr. Jeong’s words about no touching.  
Jiyong froze before melting into her arms.  
“What’s your name precious?”  
“Jiyong.”  
She ruffled his hair.  
“I’m uncomfortable right now, can I take a nap?” A boy in the back asked, Jiyong could only focus on the fluffy blonde bowl cut he was rocking.  
“Yoongi Hyung you just took a nap.” A boy next to him giggled, he looked almost identical to Yoongi, blonde hair and everything.  
“Yes and I want to take another nap child.” Yoongi stuck out his tongue.  
“Sir.” A deep voice said.  
They all turned to looked at whoever belong to the voice.  
A boy, no, a young man, sat straight in his chair hands folded in his lap. His outfit was pristine without a single wrinkle and his hair was combed neatly. Jiyong could tell the boy shaped his eyebrows, not a single hair out of place. He had a fierce face.  
Jiyong couldn’t tell if he was terrified or was in love with him.  
“Yes Seunghyun?” Mr. Jeon asked.  
“Sir it is 8:36 and we haven’t done role yet. We do role at 8:35 remember, you can’t do this sir it’s not right.” The boy furrowed his brows.  
“It will be okay Seunghyun.”  
“No it won’t be because it’s currently,” The boy checked his watch, “8:37 and you haven’t taken the role. It is 8:37 and we still don’t know who is here today because you haven’t called role.”  
“I will take it in a minute.”  
“Sir if you take it at 8:38 this gives more chance for someone being tardy to get off scot free which isn’t right. You are allowing tardies.”  
Mr. Jeong sighed, “There are only 10 students in this class. Everyone is here aside from Zico, Jackson, and Namjoon and I will be sure to mark them tardy when they come in. How about you watch the door while I go get the role sheet to make sure no one sneaks in tardy.”  
“Okay.” Seunghyun eyes immediately locked on the door, Jiyong could swear he wasn’t even blinking.  
“Okay Minho and Bobby you will be the ones to pass out books this morning.”  
They both groaned.  
“Woozi make sure Yoongi doesn’t fall asleep.”  
Woozi nodded, Yoongi was already passed out, Woozi gave a small shake to Yoongi, no movement.  
“Jiyong if you are okay you can go sit somewhere. I’m sorry for the ruckus.” Mr. Jeon pointed at the 3 circle tables that filled the room.  
“There is a seat next to me that is open.” Cl smiled grabbing Jiyong’s hand and dragging the boy to the back.  
“I will go get the role. If anyone makes anyone else cry before I return will get a granola bar instead of a cookie at snack time.” Mr. Jeong said before leaving the room.  
The class quietly talked to themselves.  
“Are you feeling better?” Cl asked as they sat at a table together, Jiyong noticed Seunghyun sat alone.  
Jiyong smiled, “Yes.”  
“You are so cute when you smile. You’ll just have to be my little baby doll. My girlfriend is gonna gush all over you when she meets you I swear.” Cl giggled.  
Three boys walked in laughing with one another, all had blonde hair like Yoongi.  
“TARDY.” Seunghyun screamed, he stood up in a stance, pointing his finger at the three.  
The three just laughed and flipped him off before walking over to sit next to Yoongi, Bobby, Minho, and Woozi in the corner table.  
“Wake up cunt.” One of the boys said, slapping Yoongi in the face.  
“I’m gonna murder you bitch,” The sleeping boy rubbed his eyes, “Were you guys fucking in the bathroom’s again?”  
“No, I watched Zico fuck Namjoon on Mr. Tuan’s desk.” The muscular one of the three said.  
“Very hot aside from Jackson being a complete cuck.” Bobby said, they all burst into laughter.  
This was going to be an interesting class for Jiyong.


	5. 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short af chapter the next one will be much longer! Also thank you for the shit ton of support this is getting! Much love to you all!!!

Jiyong kept staring at Seunghyun the entire day, he noticed that out of nowhere Seunghyun would knock on the table 3 times with his left hand before returning to working hard, Jiyong counted 24 times in an hour, at one point he just rested his knuckles on the wood keeping them there. While the other boys dicked around Seunghyun didn’t join in or partake.  
Jiyong also noticed how Seunghyun would stare at him as well, he had stared at Jiyong multiple times that morning. Maybe he wanted to be friends? He didn’t seem to have any and aside from Cl Jiyong didn’t have friends either. Maybe he could try again with making friends with Hyungs? Jiyong decided that at lunch he would eat with Seunghyun. Cl would be gone to eat with her actual friends anyways.  
When lunch rolled around Cl left along with Mr. Jeong who said he’s be back in a minute to get his lunch from the breakroom. All the boys from the other table had left so it was just him and Seunghyun.  
Before Jiyong could asked if they wanted to be lunch buddies Seunghyun was already getting up, walking with determination. Jiyong wondered for a moment that Seunghyun actually wanted to eat with him. However, when he looked at his face once Seunghyun was towering over him, he looked annoyed. Jiyong didn’t say anything, furrowing his brows and looking scared.  
Seunghyun pierced him with his eyes, not breaking away. He came closer practically in Jiyong’s face, Jiyong froze looking at Seunghyun in the eyes.  
Seunghyun leaned in making touching Jiyong’s neck, Jiyong panicked, pushing his chair back and causing it to fall over with him in it panic rushing through his veins.Seunghyun titled his head in a questioning manner, going closer to Jiyong.  
“Your tie was crooked and now it’s even more crooked, I’ll fix it.” Seunghyun tried to squat down in Jiyong’s face, Jiyong was backed in the corner.  
“Don’t touch me.” Jiyong whimpered.  
+”Look at you, I can see in your eyes you want me”+  
“I’m just fixing your tie.” Seunghyun grabbed him, trying to make him stand, his grip a little too harsh.  
+”You’re so dainty and helpless, how could I resist?”+  
“Please don’t touch me.” Jiyong said as he yanked away.  
“But your tie is crooked.” Seunghyun tried to grab him again.  
+”You didn’t struggle hard enough. Admit it, you wanted me you slut”.+  
“WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU I SAID DON’T TOUCH ME YOU MONSTER.” Jiyong yelled pulling his knees to his chest, he could feel his mind leaving his body and it made him sick to think that he would have to resort to going to his imaginary happy place again.  
Seunghyun squatted there for a moment, letting Jiyong’s words sink into him as he began to tear up himself. If Jiyong was aware instead of in his head space he would have been shocked to see that Seunghyun had emotions.  
“Seunghyun what are you doing? Stop!” Mr. Jeong said rushing behind Seunghyun pulling the much taller boy up by his fabric of his blazer on his shoulder.  
“His tie is crooked and there is nothing wrong with me.” Mr. Jeon ignored the older.  
“Jiyong are you okay.” Jiyong didn’t answer, he was ragged dolled.  
Mr. Jeon let go of Seunghyun,”Go sit down and don’t pull shit like that again with him okay?”  
Seunghyun gave him a death glare before stomping over to his seat.  
Mr. Jeon knelt down to Jiyong, “Hey hey hey, Jiyong? Do you know where you are?” He snapped his fingers in front of Jiyong face.  
“Don’t let him hurt me.” Jiyong said glassy eyed.  
“Hey no one is hurting nobody I promise. Seunghyun is back in his seat and I’m here to keep you safe. Understand?” Mr. Jeon had twisted his head to give Seunghyun a frowny face.  
“Is this my blood?” Jiyong asked, looking at his clean hands in a dazed horror.  
“Jiyong there is no blood you are in your new school, in my class. No one else is here.” Mr. Jeong said pulling out his phone and dialing a number.  
The phone answered, Mr. Jeong put it to his face.  
“Yeah it’s Jeong Hyeong-don one of my students is having a flashback can you tell the nurse to come up here and call his parents?”  
The person on the other end mumbled something.  
“His name is Kwon Jiyong.”  
“So much blood,” Jiyong whimpered, “so much blood.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to state that I have actual diagnosed OCD so Top"s OCD is based on some of the compulsions I have so please understand that I'm not trying to stereotype OCD!  
> I have no history of sexual assault or ptsd so those are purely based on research I did, I hope it's not ignorant!


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch time round 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for 750+ reads like holy shit you guys are the best.  
> (also all the nice comments make me very happy!!!!)  
> I ALSO DON'T LIKE THIS CHAPTER AT ALL BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT BUT LIKE OH WELL I GUESS THE 1ST ROUGH DRAFT WAS WAY SHITTER.

Jiyong wondered how long it would be until someone at the dinner table said something. Dinner for Seungri and Daesung has finished 10 minutes ago, they had long gone, leaving Jiyong and his parents to sit in uncomfortable silence. Jiyong stared at his plate, pushing the noodles on his plate around, not hungry. He could feel his mother and father, who had also finished eating, staring holes into him as he did so but he didn’t bother to start eating.  
“May I be excused?” Jiyong looked up at his father.  
“No.” His father said bluntly, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose.  
Jiyong put his fork down holding his head in his hands.  
“Do you wanna talk about today?” His mother asked, reaching out her hand to touch his.  
“Nope, I want to go to sleep.” He flinched at her hand touching his dry skin.  
“You can go to sleep once you finished eating.” She gave a pity smile at him.  
“Please just let me go to bed, I had a shitty day and I just want to sleep.” Jiyong rubbed his eyes sleepily.  
“Language!” His father huffed.  
“Listen I know you didn’t have a good day but you can’t go to bed until you eat, you didn’t get a chance to eat lunch.”  
“I had a big breakfast.” Jiyong gave puppy eyes.  
‘Seungri said you had half a granola bar.” She pursed her lips.  
“Please.”  
“No.”  
Jiyong stood up aggressively walking away. He ignored his parents yelling and kept going, they followed behind him. He slammed the bathroom door shit, going to lay in the dry tub. The door clicked open.  
“Just leave me alone! I can’t get any privacy, everywhere I go I got eyes on me! Why can’t it go back to everyone ignoring me.” Jiyong said, face become red due to a mixture of embarrassment and anger.  
“Sweetie.”  
“Please go away!” Jiyong shield his face, turning towards the tile wall to avoid the look of sadness on his mother's face.  
“Jiyong.”  
“Please.” He felt tears well up in his eyes.  
“Fine.” The door clicked closed, leaving Jiyong to cry alone in the bathtub.  
\--------------  
When Jiyong entered class the next morning he looked like a hot mess, his hair messy and his school outfit thrown on in a hurry. He had fallen asleep in the bathtub the previous night and had been rudely awoken by Seungri in the morning complaining that he wanted to take a shower. His mother had driven him today, and had Seungri walked him to class in fear he would not go if he didn’t.  
Jiyong’s heart pounded as he walked in, Seunghyun was already there, face bent down, Mr. Jeong speaking in his ear about something and rubbing his back.  
Jiyong made his way to his seat quickly, he sat for 5 minutes quietly until Mr. Jeong noticed him and came over.  
“Good morning.” Mr. Jeong smiled at him.  
Jiyong nodded, not looking his teacher in the eyes.  
“I’m very sorry about yesterday.”  
“It’s okay.” Jiyong’s voice cracked.  
“Seunghyun made you a note, he’s very sorry.” Mr. Jeong produced a piece of paper.  
Mr. Jeong placed it in front of him before walking off to greet a sleepy Suga who was walking in looking almost as disheveled at Jiyong..  
Jiyong raised an eyebrow, picking up the folded piece of paper. He unfolded it gently, gazing over the words neatly written.

Dear Kwon Jiyong,  
I am sorry I made you upset, that was not my intention.  
My regards,  
Choi Seunghyun 

Jiyong read it over again, amused at the boy's wording. He took a deep breath before standing up and walking timidly over to Seunghyun. The older boy's eyes were puffy as if he had been crying and he fumbled with his folder full of papers. Jiyong wondered if he caused the boy to cry and felt a huge pang of guilt hit him.  
“Hey.” Jiyong mumbles.  
Seunghyun looked up at the younger boy, tilting his head slightly curiosity.  
“Thank you for the note.” Jiyong gave a small smile, holding up the piece of paper.  
Seunghyun nodded, returning nervously back to his folder.  
“Your tie is crooked again today,” Seunghyun said.  
“I’ll fix it.”  
“Thanks.”  
Jiyong walked back to his desk, feeling a little better.  
\-----  
Jiyong clutched his paper lunch bag in his hand trying to get the courage he had been trying to muster for the first half of the day in preparation..  
“S-seunghyun?” He called meekly.  
Seunghyun turned around to look at Jiyong, he was aggressively eating a cup of instant ramen noodles. His cheeks puffy out making the scary looking boy less threatening.  
“C-can I eat lunch with you?”  
Seunghyun looked at him before looking down at his food and then looking back to Jiyong.  
“No, I’m not sharing my food.” Seunghyun furrowed his brow.  
“No I have my own lunch, I meant like sit with you while we eat our separate lunches.” Jiyong held up his lunch bag for the older boy to see.  
“Oh, uh okay.” Seunghyun said, a bit startled at the question, Jiyong wondered if he ever had someone ask to be his lunch buddy before.  
Jiyong got up and sat across from Seunghyung. As they ate in silence, Jiyong studied the way Seunghyun ate, it was more mechanical and like a job rather than enjoyment, he ate quickly like Jiyong did.  
“Did you join me so that you could watch me scarf down a bowl of ramen noodles? Is that like a fetish?” Seunghyun said straight faced.  
Jiyong looked away, blushing profusely, “I’m sorry I’ll go now.”  
He began to repack his lunch in discouragement.  
“It was a joke, I was trying to joke.” Seunghyun gave an awkward smile.  
“Oh,” Jiyong said looking back, he gave a small giggle before putting his lunch back down.  
“Don’t fake laugh, I know I suck at jokes.” Seunghyun ran his finger across his own eyebrow blushing.  
“No sorry I’m just not very good with detecting humor.” Jiyong grinned.  
“Let’s just agree that we shouldn’t become stand up comedians.” Seunghyun flashed a more natural smile.  
“Shoot you ruined my dreams.” Jiyong said, snapping his finger in fake frustration.  
Seunghyun gave a hearty laugh, it was a nice sound in Jiyong’s ear.  
“Choi Seunghyun, professional dream crusher.” Seunghyun mined pulling out a fake business card.  
“Professional? Did you go to school for that? Maybe I should become one. I’m a pretty good amuture dream crusher.”  
“I did, however the job is hard to get and you’d never have a chance.” Seunghyun smirked.  
“Dang it another dream crushed by Seunghyun hyung.” Jiyong jokingly slammed his fist to the table in fake anger, Seunghyun jumped.  
“Sorry I didn’t mean to-”Jiyong started to apologize.  
“No worries, I’m very skittish.” Seunghyun blushed.  
“I am too if you didn’t notice yesterday.” Jiyong combed his hand through his hair.  
Seunghyun laughed a little, even though Jiyong could tell it was very fake, fixing his collar nervously. Jiyong could’ve sworn he saw a large yellowing bruise on Seunghyung’s neck.  
They sat in silence again, Jiyong eating half heartedly while Seunghyun, who had already finished his food, looked around the room to avoid eye contact.  
“So how long have you been in this class?” Jiyong asked, hoping it would break the heavy silence.  
“All four years I’ve been here.” Seunghyun said, resting his head in his hand.  
“That long? Impressive.” Jiyong muttered jokingly.  
“I aim to excel in everything. Being socially inept is one of my strong suits, hence why I sit alone.” Seunghyun smiled quickly turned to a frown, Jiyong noticed the boy tap his left hand on the table gently.  
“I think you lie, I am enjoying lunch time. And that's saying something about you because I hate meal time.” Jiyong shrugged, giving a warm smile to Seunghyun.  
“I’m enjoying it to.” Seunghyun smiled back.  
The bell rang signalling the ending of lunch.  
As Jiyong gathered his trashed he looked at the older boys face, he looked disappointed.  
“Can I sit here again tomorrow hyung?” Jiyong asked doe eyed.  
Seunghyun raised his eyebrows in an innocent matter, looking at Jiyong like he just asked him to marry him.  
“Sure, I’d very much like that.” Seunghyun hand hid his mouth but Jiyong could detect the smile hiding behind it.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seunghyun and Jiyong look at some art and Seunghyun defends his waifu Jiyong. (I'm the best at descriptions hahah)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I think I like this chapter maybe? I liked it alot this morning but now I'm eh. Oh well lol I'm the worst anyways and this fic is shit so like whatever haha.  
> Thanks for almost 900 reads you guys are killing it! I also adore the comments you've been sending me you guys motivate my lazy ass lol.

“Hey.” Jiyong looked up from his textbook to see a nervous Seunghyun standing above him.  
“Good morning, what up?” Jiyong said raising a curious eyebrow. Normally Seunghyun wouldn’t talk to him until lunch yet here he was at 9:32 am.  
“Uh, the um. Art class put out an art show in the atrium and I was wondering if at lunch you wanted to go see it with me? You don’t have to, I could go alone, but I thought maybe you’d be interested?” Seunghyun gave puppy eyes.  
Jiyong giggled, “Sure. I’d like to.”  
All the stress melted off Seunghyun’s face, “Great! I mean uh, cool.” He did a little bow before returning to his seat.  
“When did this friendship happen?” Cl smirked.  
Jiyong had forgotten she was there.  
Jiyong shrugged trying not to blush, “We’ve been eating lunch together for about a week or so.”  
“Interesting. He must like you.” She rested her head in her hand studying the older boy who went back to furiously scribbling in his notebook.  
“Why do you say that?” Jiyong asked.  
“That’s the first time I’ve seen Mr. Robot smile.” Cl ruffled Jiyong’s hair.  
\------  
Seunghyun walked quickly in the hallways, making it hard for Jiyong to keep up.  
“Hyung why are you walking so fast, my stubby legs can’t keep up. we will have plenty of time for you to eat your instant noodles when we get back.” Jiyong laughed.  
Seunghyun ignored him, turning his head back and forth to make sure the coast was clear, like a meerkat would. Jiyong sighed as he tried to follow, his legs aching a little.  
“I should really work out.” Jiyong mumbled to himself.  
They finally arrive into the large area that was the atrium, white steel dividers that the art hung on covered the floor, making it look almost like a maze. A few students were looking at the art work but it was practically deserted. Seunghyun’s big dopey smile lit up his face as he entered the maze, Jiyong followed him. While Jiyong liked looking at art he found it more enjoyable to look at Seunghyun while he was looking at art. The elder boy’s reactions were quite amusing to Jiyong, it was like seeing a kid in Disneyland, he pointed things out to Jiyong while babbling about the art pieces. Seungyun had also bought his notebook and was writing excitedly about the artworks (or Jiyong assumed that's what he was writing about.) Jiyong wondered how one could be so excited about highschool art pieces, considering 80% of them were done by freshman in basic art class who just needed the art credit and \did art 1 because they were too lazy to join band or drama.  
“Do you do art?” Jiyong asked as he plopped down next to Seunghyun who was now sitting crisscross applesauce on the linoleum floor while he wrote in the notebook about the piece in front of him.  
The art piece was a huge acrylic painting of a woman crying, it was surprisingly well made, Jiyong assumed this artist was actually in the advanced art classes. The woman in the painting reminded him of his mother if his mother had long hair, it made Jiyong’s heart hurt a little, thinking back to the times when all he saw for a month was his mother crying over him.  
“I used to.” Seunghyun said, snapping Jiyong’s attention back to him.  
“That’s cool! What was your style?”  
“Abstract impressionism.”  
Jiyong blinked trying to let that sink in, “Okay so tell me your what your style is again but treat me as if I were 4 and only knew tiny baby words.”  
Seunghyun laughed, “It’s the one where it has thick visible brushstrokes, Van Gogh did impressionism however I lean more on the abstract side where the brush strokes are short and intense and just overall more abstract.”  
“That’s so cool! Can I see some sometime?”  
Seunghyun shook his head no, “I don’t have any, I destroyed all my art when I quit.”  
“Why’d you quit?’  
“Because I wasn’t good and it was silly to be wasting time on it.” Seunghyun shrugged like it was nothing but Jiyong could see the flash of hurt in his eyes.  
“I’m sure you were great, and even if they were shitty that’s no reason to give up. It’s a shame really, I was looking forward to lounging on your couch, eating cheese and sparkling grape juice whilst I gazed at the beautiful artwork of Choi Seunghyun.” Jiyong let out a dramatic sigh,fake feigning and leaning his head on the older boys shoulder.  
“You know you can-”  
Seunghyun was interrupted by a boy’s voice barking behind them, causing the two boys to jump.  
“Awe does Frankenstein trying to experience human emotions by looking at shitty emo art?” The boy spat, they both jumped up and backed into the steel wall.  
The boy speaking to them was about the size of Seunghyun, tall and lanky, his face a little long with an awful smirk on his face.  
Seunghyun looked down at his feet,.  
The boy walked closer, “Haven’t seen you in a while. I was hoping you killed yourself by now.”  
He ruffled Seunghyun’s quavered hair, Jiyong noticed how hard Seunghyun was clenching his knuckles.  
“Please go away Ji Hoon.” Seunghyun muttered.  
Ji Hoon ignored him, dropping down to grabbe Seunghyun’s notebook.  
“Whatchu writing about?” Ji Hoon smirked, flipping through the pages.  
“Oh how emo, “Mom hasn’t contacted me in a while’” Ji Hoon read aloud.  
“Give it back.” Jiyong finally snapped when he saw the tears run down Seunghyun’s cheek.  
“Who the fuck are you faggot?” Ji Hoon asked with a snarl.  
“It doesn’t matter just give him back his notebook and stop being a dick.”  
“You look like a little bitch and you’re trying to tell me what to do?” Ji Hoon stood inches away from Jiyong’s face, Jiyong could feel his hot breath on his skin and he froze.  
“Are you Seunghyun’s new boyfriend? Have you seen his body? I’m sure you have but you fuck him anyways because who else would want to fuck a skeleton like you?” Jiyong’s lip trembled.  
“Stop.” Seunghyun’s voice boomed.  
“Make me.” Jihoon said looking Seunghyun as he ran his hand down the torso of the petrified Jiyong.  
“Fine.” Seunghyun punched Ji Hoon in the face causing him to fall on the floor.  
Both Jiyong and Ji Hoon stared in shock, blood ran down from Ji Hoon’s nose.  
“Don’t you ever bad mouth Jiyong or put your grubby little fingers on him again or it will be your grave.” Seunghyun’s angry face was a terrifying sight to behold.  
He crouched down to Ji Hoon, causing the boy to flinch as he tore the notebook away from his hand and stood back up, trying to fix his hair.  
He looked at Jiyong who was trembling and on the verge of tears.  
“Are you okay?” Seunghyun’s nasty face turned back to a doe eyed innocence and concerned spread across his face as he looked at the younger boy.  
Jiyong nodded, looking down at his feet.  
“What is going on here?” Two teachers had spotted them, running over to the boys.  
“Fucking Choi punched me!” Ji Hoon spat.  
“All of you to the office now!”  
\----  
The two boys sat next to each other in the office, after being lectured by the principal and Mr. Jeon the boys twiddled their thumbs while they awaited their verdict. Jiyong knew he would get any trouble but he worried that Seunghyun would be kicked out. Seunghyun, instead of being upset, had the biggest goofy smile on his face as he fixed his hair in his front facing camera on his phone.  
“What are you smiling about?” Jiyong asked with curiosity.  
“I punched Pyo Ji Hoon, a kid that has fucked with me my whole life. I know I shouldn’t be happy but the amount of times that kid has made me cry into my pillow is too many and I try to think of the positives in every situation. Sure I might be expelled and my whole life will go to shit but at least I got to look cool and manly while doing it.”  
“He did look like he was about to shit his pants when you crouched down to him” Jiyong smiled, the boys broke out in a fit of laughter.  
They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment.  
“What were you saying before he interrupted you?”  
“Oh,” Seunghyun blushed, “Nothing.”  
“No tell me.”Jiyong tugged on the sleeve of Seunghyun’s sweater.  
“Okay, well you said you wanted to come sit on my couch and eat cheese and look at my art but since I didn’t have any art you couldn’t.”  
“Yeah...”  
“I was gonna say that just because I don’t have art doesn’t mean you can’t come over and sit on my couch or I come over to your couch or we go out and sit on a couch in a different place.”  
“So you are asking me to hang out with you outside of school with you on a couch?” Jiyong giggled.  
“Well it doesn’t have to be a couch it’s just, I’m not very good with words or how to do friendships stuff but you get the point hopefully.” Seunghyun was a bright shade of read.  
“Yes.”  
“Yes to understanding me or hanging out? Now I’m confused.” Seunghyun furrowed his brows.  
“Both.” Jiyong grinned wide before laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes Pyo Ji Hoon is P.O. from Block B. Reading this back after becoming a P.O stan is so funny to me because that boy is a literal angel baby.


	8. 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks a bunch for 1100 reads like dang! (Do you guys actually like this story? I'd like to know if you have any critiques)

Jiyong stared at the text message on his phone  
Seunghyun: Hello :D Would you like to hang out tomorrow? There is a movie I’ve been wanting to see? Do you like movies?  
Seunghyun had sent it to him well over an hour ago and he had yet to respond. His thumb nervously fidgeted over the keypad, his brows furrowing, unsure of what to do.  
“Why do you have a bedroom if you spend all of your time in the bathtub?” Jiyong looked up to see Youngbae in the doorway of the bathroom holding 2 packaged cream cones.  
Jiyong sat up, crisscrossing his legs to make room for Youngbae in the tub, he patted the empty area causing Youngbae to laugh before joining him. Youngbae’s knees and Jiyong’s own touched due to the cramp space. Youngbae held out an ice cream, Jiyong accepting it, knowing Youngbae wouldn’t be mad, rather ‘disappointed’ if he didn’t eat it. They ate in silence for a couple moments.  
“What were you looking at on your phone when I came in. You seemed pretty stressed about it.  
Jiyong sighed before holding out his phone for Youngbae to see Seunghyun’s message, the older boy read it over a couple times over.  
“Who is Seunghyun?” Youngbae finally looked up, raising an eyebrow.  
“That kid from my class.” Jiyong said nervously.  
“The one that cornered you in the classroom? How’d he get your number? We need to tell Mom and Dad that he’s bothering you.” Youngbae began to stand up, JIyong grabbed his arm, forcing the older boy to sit back down.  
“I like him now,” Jiyong said meekly, “we are lunch friends.”  
“So then what’s the problem?” Youngbae asked, settling back down into his seat and taking a bite of icecream.  
“I don’t know.” Jiyong frowned.  
They sat in silence again.  
“I’ve never really had a friend before.”  
“I’m a little offended because I considered you my best friend.” Youngbae laughed.  
“You are my best friend but you know what I mean.”  
“Yeah.” Youngbae drew with his finger on Jiyong’s pants.  
“What if he gets to know me and he hates me? Or what if he’s just like Se Jun?”  
“Does he act like Se Jun?”  
Jiyong shook his head, “He’s nothing like Se Jun. He’s sweet and awkward and protective. I just-” Jiyong cut himself off.  
“You just what?”  
“I just don’t understand how to trust people anymore.” Jiyong could feel his eyes start to water.  
Youngbae pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back as Jiyong began to cry.  
“I understand, it’s very hard to trust someone in general and your history hasn’t been the best. But that’s no reason not to try to trust someone again right? You just gotta be real careful doing it.”  
Jiyong nodded, still buried in his brother’s shoulder.  
Youngbae pulled away to look at Jiyong with a big smile.  
“What?” Jiyong sniffled.  
“I have an idea!” Youngbae clapped his hands together.  
“What is your idea?” Jiyong questioned, very intrigued.  
“I will go with you tomorrow to the movies, but in secret undercover! That way you’ll be safe but not embarrassed that you have a chaperone!”  
Jiyong smiled, “I like that idea!”  
Jiyong whipped out his phone opening up the messaging app.  
Jiyong: Hi! Sorry I was taking a nap lol.  
Jiyong lied.  
JIyong: Tomorrow sounds fun!  
Jiyong sent the message, smiling goofily.  
“Did you ever mention to me how much of a good brother I am?” Youngbae smirked.  
Jiyong hugged him again, “You narcissistic asshole.”  
The two broke out into a laughter, making the bathroom echo.


	9. 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ehhhhh I'M updating early for feeling bad about updating late a shitty short chapter last chapter.  
> Thanks for over 1200 reads you guys the bomb.com.  
> Comments and helpful critiques are very much appreciated and valued btw!

“So Youngbae will be here correct?” Daesung asked as he pulled up outside the movie theatre.  
“Yes, thanks for dropping me off. Have fun at your dudebro hangout.” Jiyong smiled as he opened the car door.  
“I will and be safe okay?” Daesung said.  
“I will.” Jiyong nodded, hopping out of the car.  
He watched as Daesung drove off before turning to face the movie theatre.  
Seunghyun stood outside the theater dressed in his navy pea coat, the wooden pegs fastened all the wall up, it was a longer coat, one where if Jiyong was wearing you would barely be able to see some calf but due to Seunghyun’s tall lankiness it hit him at his knees easily able to see his black slacks. He wore a pair of shiny black leather loafers with red suede on the heel bit of the shoe. He wore a different set of glasses today, they were circular ones in a clear plastic frames, it went well with his hair that was styled so his bangs which were messy looking (even though Jiyong knew the older boy styled it that way) and in his face. Jiyogn smiled, even out of school Seunghyun dressed properly. Seunghyun was scrolling on his phone, unaware of the smaller boy a few feet away, Jiyong stood there for a moment wondering if Seunghyun would notice him, he didn’t causing Jiyong to laugh.  
Seunghyun looked up from his phone when he heard the laugh, “Hello.” He smiled.  
“Hello, I’ve been standing here for like 3 minutes waiting to see if you would notice me.” Jiyong smiled.  
Seunghyun blushed, “I’m sorry. I was reading an article.”  
“About what?” Jiyong asked trying to lean over the phone to take a peak.  
“Chair remodeling.”  
“Why?”  
“I like to remodel chairs.” Seunghyun shrugged.  
Jiyogn laughed, “Honestly that doesn’t surprise me. I can just imagine you in a shed sanding down a chair looking like a chic lumberjack.”  
Seunghyun joined in, “Basically.”  
“I have never been here before when is the kiosk? I need to buy my ticket.” Jiyong said warmly after their laughter died down.  
“I already got you a ticket.” Seunghyun blushed again as he held two tickets up.  
“That was sweet of you but you didn’t need to buy my ticket!”  
“I wanted to.” Seunghyun gave a sweet smile.  
“I will buy snacks then!”  
“You are forgetting that we are both weird about food.” Seunghyun laughed.  
“Fuck.” Jiyong pouted, “I’m still buying snacks.”  
“I’m not all that thirsty or hungry.”  
“Dangit hyung just let me buy you a drink and a snack!” Jiyong made a fake grumpy face causing Seunghyun to laugh.  
“Okay okay. Let's go inside then, it’s really cold out here.”  
Jiyong nodded in agreement.  
The boys walked into the lobby, it looked old, most likely built in the 70s, with it’s orange and brown patterned carpet and the outdated light fixtures. However, it was clean and looked like it was well taken care of. They stood a few feet away from the snack counter, it was deserted aside from an older couple.  
“What do you want to drink?” Jiyong asked.  
“A hot cup of green tea.” Seunghyun said as he unbuttoned his coat, revealing a back button up shirt with a safety pin print.  
Jiyong turned his head confused at the strange order, he looked up at the snack sign to see all sorts of odd choices. They had teas and imported chocolates, Jiyong didn’t see any regular movie snacks.  
Seunghyun laughed, causing Jiyong to look at him, “What’s funny?”  
“Is this your first time at a indie theatre?”  
Jiyong blushed, “Yes. Did I looked as confused as I felt?”  
“Yes.” Seunghyun smiled.  
Jiyong laughed, “I don’t know what I want. I have never heard of half of these drinks.”  
“I could order for you?”  
Jiyong nodded walking behind Seunghyun as they approached the counter. The woman working at the counter was an earthy looking woman in her 50s.  
“Hey Tabi!” She smiled at Seunghyun.  
“Hello Misook Noona how are you?” Seunghyun smiled.  
Jiyong wondered if Tabi was Seunghyun and how often he came to this theatre.  
“I’m as wonderful as always. Who do you have with you here?” She looked over Seunghyun’s shoulder at Jiyong, giving him a big smile.  
“My friend Jiyong, he’s shy.”  
They chatted for a couple minutes before Seunghyun ordered, Jiyong awkwardly standing there.  
“That’ll be 15,000 won.” Misook said, before Jiyong could get his wallet Seunghyun was swiping his own card, Jiyong frowned.  
As they left, Seunghyun holding the drinks and Jiyong holding the strange snacks, Jiyong frowned.  
‘What’s wrong?”  
“I was suppose to pay for the snacks hyung.”  
Seunghyun let out a hearty laugh, “That’s no reason to be upset. I wanted to pay for you.”  
Jiyong huffed dramatically before laughing, “Thanks hyung.”  
As they entered their theatre a cold it was already dim.  
“Is the movie about to start?” Jiyong asked, he thought it started 20 minutes from now.  
“No, the lights aren’t the best, I trip all the time.” Seunghyun said as he carefully maneuvered through the isle.  
“Do you mind where we sit?” Seunghyun asked.  
“Not at all.”  
“CooL, I like to sit in the center center. It’s the best spot in my opinion.” Seunghyun said excited as he made his way into a row.  
The younger boy follow accidentally bumping into Sunghyun when he abruptly stopped and sat down. Jiyong took the seat next to him, close enough to feel the heat of Seunghyun’s leg bouncing off unto him. Seunghyun was quiet for a moment as he jumbled with the snacks in his lap.  
“So Tabi.” Jiyong laughed.  
“You like the nickname?” Even in the dark Jiyong could see Seunghyun’s smile.  
“Yes I do, a lot. Where’d that originate?”  
Seunghyun shrugged, “I don’t know, my mom called me Tabi since I could remember. We used to come here alot so every employee just picked it up.”  
“Do you guys still come here a lot?”  
Seunghyun shook his head.  
“Why not?”  
“She’s not really around. I live with my dad and my stepmom.” Seunghyun said, Jiyong could tell he was uncomfortable, he felt guilty bringing it up.  
“Well you got me!”  
Seunghyun gave him a warm smile, “And I’m very happy about that.”  
Jiyong blushed, very glad Seunghyun couldn’t see his face.  
“Can I call you Tabi? I like it better than Sunghyun, Seunghyun sounds too serious and formal.”  
Seunghyun laughed, “Sure.”  
“Yay!” Jiyong clapped his hands together.  
They chatted some more before Jiyong felt his phone buzzed, he pulled it out to give it a look.

 

Youngbae: Bro where are you?  
Jiyong: In the theatre?”  
Youngbae:...No you are not.  
Jiyong: Yes I am.  
Youngbae: But this is the only room showing the movie!  
Jiyong: I’m in theatre 9  
Youngbae: Shit  
Jiyong: What?  
Youngbae: I think I might be in the wrong movie theatre. This movie theatre only has 4 threatres. Are you are Downtown 4?  
Jiyong; I’M AT RIVERDALE 10.DOWNTOWN 4 IS AN HOUR AWAY,  
Youngbae: Shit shit shit shit, I thought it was weird that you would go to a theatre so close to my campus. I’m on my way now.  
Jiyong: It’ll take you an hour to get here and that not even factoring traffic! The movie is only and hour and a half.  
Youngbae: Sorry! I guess I’ll be there to pick you up? If shit goes down call me? I’ll try to be as quick as possible.

 

Jiyong felt a huge rock hit the bottom of his stomach as he stared at the screen.  
“Hey the movie is starting put your phone away.” Seunghyun said.  
Jiyong nodded turning it on silent and put it shakily in his back pocket.  
Jiyogn felt bad that he was nervous to be around Seunghyun alone, he had been just fine a minute ago but now the irrational fears were lurking in the back of his mind. They were in the dark theatre all alone, Seunghyun was bigger than him. Jiyong tried to clear his mind of all bad thoughts, Seunghyun wouldn’t try to hurt him, he wouldn’t, he tried to tell himself to calm down.  
“Jiyong are you okay?” Seunghyun said softly causing Jiyong to snap back.  
“I’m fine, sorry zoned out for a minute.” Jiyong tried his best to sound convincing.  
“Well pay attention the beginning it about to start and you can’t get lost already.” Seunghyun chuckled before turning back to the screen.  
Jiyong began to calm down as they walked the movie, it was in french so he had to pay attention to the subtitles. Seunghyun was rather quiet aside from the occasional laugh or murmuring something like “That’s a beautiful shot.”  
Jiyong stole glances at the older boy throughout the movie, smiling at the dumb faces Seunghyun made at the screen unknowingly. The movie itself wasn’t bad Jiyong just liked watching Seungyun more, like when they saw the art gallery. There was something about his face that made him want to study him. Jiyogn would force himself to go back to watching the movie though, not wanting to be a total creep.  
Half way through the movie Seunghyun leaned over to Jiyong’s ear, “Can I um.” He paused, ”Nevermind.” He went back to his side.  
Jiyogn looked over puzzled, “Can you what?”  
“Nevermind.” Seunghyun covered his face with his hands.  
“Tell me.” Jiyong poked Seunghyun’s arm.  
“I was uh wondering if I could hold your hand.” Even in the dark theatre Jiyong knew Seunghyun was bright red.  
Jiyong thought over the question for a moment, taken aback. “What?”  
“Nevermind I’m sorry.”  
“No I want to hold hands!” Jiyong tried to backtrack “I was just a bit taken back that's all, but just hand holding right?” Jiyogn said nervously  
Seunghyun peeked through his fingers, “Really?”  
Jiyong nodded a yes smiling, holding out his hand, Seunghyun unshielded his face, reaching to meet his hand.  
The touch was shy at first, the hand awkwardly not knowing what to do, before Seunghyun intertwined his large fingers through Jiyong’s small ones.He held Jiyong’s hand firmly, causing Jiyong to feel a warm safe sensation rush through his body before he turned back to the movie, grinning like an idiot.They held hands for the rest of the movie.  
Seunghyun looked over to the younger boy as the credits started to roll.  
“Does uh, this mean we are dating?”  
Jiyong sat there for a moment, “I’d like that. But can we take it slow? I think hand holding is as much as I am ready for right now. Is that okay Hyung?”  
Seunghyun nodded, “Of course. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”  
Jiyong felt the biggest smile light up his face, an overwhelming happinesses hitting his heart.  
“I’m really happy.” Seunghyun smiled.  
“I am too.” Jiyong squeezed the older boy’s hand.  
As they made their way out of the theatre Seunghyun rambled on about the movie, swinging Jiyong’s hand in his. As they approached the glass doors, Jiyong saw Youngbae’s car parked out front.  
“My brother is here, I should get going. I had a really nice time.” Jiyong smiled, sadly letting go of the warm comforting hand.  
“Same. Can I give you a hug?” Seunghyun blushed.  
Jiyogn nodded before hugging the taller boy, “Thank you.” Jiyong mumbled as he was buried in the boy’s chest.  
“For what?”  
“For asking permission.” Jiyong said as he pulled away.  
“Of course, and thank you.”  
“For what?”  
“Actually giving me a chance.”  
Jiyong smiled, “Of course.” Jiyong started to began to open the door.  
“I’ll text you later my boyfu Tabi.” Jiyong laughed.  
‘I’ll be waiting.” Seunghyun said as he broke out into laughter.


	10. 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter in only a day? It's a short one but I felt the need to fix the romance that was going a little too hard in the paint to be reasonable.  
> HAPPY BIRTHDAY TABI

“One week.” Youngbae finally muttered under his breath as they pulled into their home’s driveway, “You’ve know this kid for one week.”  
When Jiyong had gotten into the car after the movies he was very happy and excited, telling the news about his boyfriend to Youngbae. Youngbae’s smile that appeared when he had first heard about the boy having a good time quickly turned into a look of worry when the boy annouced his love life. He had stayed silent for the car ride him, making Jiyong feel the need to sink into his seat to avoid the classic “Youngbae Dad Talk” he knew he was going to get.  
Jiyong didn’t answer Youngbae, choosing to stare out his window as they sat in the parked car.  
“You barely know him.”  
“But I like him.” Jiyogn said quietly.  
“Jesus christ. Yesterday you couldn’t even think about going alone to see a movie with him and now you are madly in love.”  
Youngbae ran his hand through his hair.  
“I never said I love him, I said I liked him. He’s nice.” Jiyong's voice faltered a little.  
“Yeah but at this rate you’re gonna marry him by next Friday. And don’t give me the, ‘he’s nice so I like him’ bullshit. Do you remember the day you came home all excited because ‘ Se Jun talked to me today! Se Jun asked to be my partner! He’s so much nicer than I thought popular kids would be!’ like jesus christ no wonder you were taken advantage of! You are too naive and stupid not to be.” As the of the words tumbled out of Youngbae’s mouth he realized he had gone way too far.  
Jiyong lip trembled, tears starting to run down his face.  
“Jiyong I didn’t mean it.” Youngbae tried to put his hand on Jiyong’s shoulder but the younger boy ripped it away, unbuckling his seatbelt hastily and exiting the car in a flash.  
Youngbae followed, “Jiyong I’m sorry you know I didn’t mean it. You’re not stupid.” He trailed behind the boy as Jiyong walked down the street, not even attempting to go into the house.  
Jiyong whipped around at those words. “Yes you fucking did. I was fucking stupid then and I’m fucking stupid now.”  
“Jiyong-” Youngbae was cut off.  
“I can see it in everyone's face, yours, Mom’s, Dad’s, Daesung’s. You all look at me and think to yourself ‘How was he that fucking stupid that he let Se Jun rape him over and over again and he didn’t think to tell anyone? To not stop going over to Se Jun's. To let Se Jun fool him into thinking that no one would believe him if he told anyone about what was happening to him. To the point where Jiyong decided that killing himself was a better option than telling anyone to help them fix it.’ and the answer is really fucking stupid. I was so fucking stupid back then and I stupid now for thinking that I could be a normal highschooler for once and date a person on a whim and think they are the best thing ever like all the others do. I’m not Seungri who can date a different girl every week and have no one bat an eyelash over it because Seungri, as dumb as he is, isn’t dumb enough to let someone abuse him and rape him like I am.” Jiyong was full on sobbing as he collapsed on the paved street, curling up in a ball.  
“I’m stupid and worthless and ruined. Why didn’t you let me die?” Youngbae could hear through muffled sobs.  
Youngbae bent down to touch the younger boy, the younger boy unballed pushing himself away, looking up in terror at Youngbae with glassy zoned out eyes, “Please don’t hurt me again Se Jun.” He whimpered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably my favorite chapter? Idk I love a good angsty rant/ breakdown.


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *****WARNING PLEASE READ******  
> The first part of this chapter (a flashback) is where some of the rape triggers come in. It's not specifically showing the actually rape part but it's really sick, disturbing, and triggering. Since I don't know how to italicize on here the flashback will be marked with +, so you can scroll past that to get to the end safe part.

+Jiyong had been waiting patiently outside Jun’s back door for 20 minutes. He had texted the older boy saying he was here but no reply. He didn’t understand why Jun wanted him here so early if he was not going to even be awake when Jiyong got here. Jiyong however made no attempt to knock on the glass door because of two reasons: a. Because he didn’t want to be here in the first place so why would he rush to make this happen. And b. Jun would wake up angrily and ruin what chance JIyong had on leaving with lesser bruising.   
Jiyong’s feet started to ache, so he plopped down on the porch steps, scrolling through messages between him and Youngbae to pass the time.   
“Who are you texting.” A deep s voice said sleepily as Jiyong felt a large presence sit next to him, he immediately stiffened up.  
Before Jiyong could answer big caluased hand snatced his phone away.  
“Who the fuck is Youngbae?” The voice said bitterly.  
“He’s my older brother.” Jiyong mumbled, not moving to make eye contact.  
“Oh yeah the one that was on the basketball team last year right? Dude is fucking short.” Jun chuckled.   
Jiyong simply nodded, shaking a little.  
“Jesus christ you are already shaking? You think you would’ve learned some toughness by now.”   
JIyong didn’t reply, Jun stood up, stretching leisurely before yanking Jiyong up by the hood of his jacket. He stood up hastily following the older boy into house. Jun stopped in the middle of the kitchen, letting go of Jiyong, “Stay.” He said before going back over to the glass door.  
Jiyong could hear the door close and it being locked, his heart sinking to the pit of his stomach.  
Jiyogn stood still as he felt the strong arms wrapped around his waist from behind him and Jun’s chin resting on his shoulder. Jiyong tried to maintain steady breathing as he felt the hands wrapped around his waist creeping down to the fly of his pants. His own arms fell limply by his sides.   
“I can’t believe I get you all day to myself. Think of how much playing we can do today. Are you excited?” The breath was hot on Jiyong’s ear, the words causing Jiyong’s heart to race.  
Jiyong felt a sharp clawing on his now exposed hips, “I asked you a question kitten.”  
“Yes, h-hyung.” Jiyong whimpered.  
The grip on his hips only got harsher, definitely cutting through the skin, causing him to let out a small cry.  
“Yes hyung what? Answer me properly.”  
“Yes, hyung I-I’m excited t-to spend the day w-with y-you.”  
The clawing stops, the fingers running over small crescent shaped cuts to sooth them.   
“Good boy.” He let go of Jiyong, moving to sit on the ledge of the kitchen counter.  
“Take off you clothes.”   
Jiyong quickly took off his clothes, he knew by now that if he stalled it would just cause more pain. Jiyogn now stood in the middle of a chilly kitchen naked. He stared at flood tile as he waited for the next instructions.  
“Good kitten, so good at following orders. You know you say you don’t want to do this shit but here you are taking your shirt off in two seconds flat, part of you must like something I’m doing.” A snicker followed Jun’s cocky words as he made his way back to the younger boy.   
He grabbed Jiyong’s wrist dragging him down the hallway and up the stairs, they passed Jun’s bedroom, Jiyong looking puzzled. They continued to the room all the way in the back upstairs. Jiyong had never been in this room. It was large, with a king sized bed, Jiyong finally realized, it was Jun’s parent’s room. Jun flashed him a smirk before slinging Jiyong on the bed, Jiyong felt an overwhelming feel of sin hit him.   
Jun went over and searched through the left bedside table drawers. Jiyong gazed around the room, his eyes stopping on a picture of Jun’s parents on their dresser drawers. It looked like a picture of their wedding day, happy smiles on both their faces, their eyes looking directly at Jiyong. They were watching him, judging him.  
Jun’s face lit up when he found what he was looking for, he pulled out a weird purple plastic object,he showed it to Jiyong with a big nasty grin, Jiyong’s eyes grew wide when he realized what it was.  
“No no no no no no.” Jiyong rambled, crawling away from the approaching Jun.   
Jun grabbed Jiyong’s ankle pulling him back to his original spot of the end of the bed.  
“Oh yes. I told you we were gonna have some fun, my mom loves this thing, I can hear her with it at night.”  
Jiyong could feel tears forming in his eyes, “Please don’t use that on me, I’ll do anything else, you can fuck me raw or make me choke on your dick. Anything but that.”  
“Oh don’t you worry, I’ll still do those things to you later kitten. But for now open up, we need to get this thing nice and wet for your tight hole.” Jun placed the large purple vibrator in Jiyong’s face, Jiyong gagged at the smell, his mother didn’t clean it after use.   
Out of panic, Jiyong slapped Jun’s hand away causing the older boy to fling the toy over in the corner of the room. He looked up to Jun’s face, seeing the anger form as he realised what Jiyong had just done. Jun didn’t like resistance, Jun didn’t stand for it. Jun grabbed a patch of Jiyong’s hair, throwing the smaller boy on the hardwood floor. Jiyong curled up in a ball out of defence as he felt blows hit him, he couldn’t tell if he was being punched or kicked, all he could feel was sharp pains and the feeling of blood dripping down his arms, legs, and back.   
He could hear nasty yelling but the thoughts swarming in his head caused him to not acknowledge what Jun was spewing at him. Everything, like it always was, was just overall intense pain and the feeling of losing himself in it.+

 

“Shhh you’re okay Ji.” Jiyong woke up to the sound of Youngbae’s voice in his ear and being held by a warm body.   
Jiyong was drenched in a cold sweat, shaking intensely. Wherever he was, it was dark, he couldn’t see a thing.   
“Youngbae hyung?” He whimpered.  
“Yeah it’s hyung, it’s hyung Jiyong.” He realized that Youngbae was sitting, holding him on his lap, his face resting on Youngbae’s shoulder.  
“Where are we? I can’t see anything?” The panic in his voice was apparent.  
“We are in you room, on your bed. The lights are off and it’s nighttime, that’s why you can't see.” Youngbae’s hand soothed Jiyong’s back.  
“It hurt so much and why would he even do that it’s so nasty and wrong and-” Jiyong rambled on before being choked on a sob.  
“I don’t know Jiyong, but it’s okay it was just a flashback, he isn’t gonna hurt you now. No one is gonna hurt you now.”  
“He didn’t even wash it, I can still smell it.” Jiyong broke out into crying, clutching onto Youngbae.  
“Shh it’s okay.” Youngabe answered, not really understanding Jiyong’s words, but he didn’t really need to.  
“Tabi Hyung wouldn’t do that to me I swear, he’d at least wash it.” Jiyong was hysterical.   
“Okay. Okay. I’m sorry Jiyong, I’m sorry.” Youngbae just held the boy in his arms, the darkness of the room seeming to seep into their skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if that was a little harsh but I felt like it was a good point to introduce some things that Jiyong went through as to why he is the way he is. There will be a point later on where I'll show how this all came about and why Jiyong came over to Jun's house during this flashback so it'll make more sense.  
> Comment and critiques are always welcomed!  
> Thanks for 1500+ reads!


	12. 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I actually updated on a Sunday afternoon.  
> This is a goofy filler chapter to help lighten the mood after the last 2 chapters. Sorry it's so short, next chapter will hopefully be much better.   
> Also I'm currently working on a Winner fanfic that I really like but I think Imma wait until it's mostly done to post (or after I'm done with this which idk when i don't have an ending planned out yet lol oops)  
> also thanks for 1700+ views you guys rock!  
> kudos and comments/critiques are very much loved and make me very happy!

“Holy shit!” Mino said rushed past a sleepy Jiyong in the hallway, practically sprinting into their classroom.   
Jiyong wondered what Mino was excited about on a Monday morning, following slowly, if it was a fight, which seemed likely, he didn’t want to be involved with it. However, as Jiyong entered the room, their was no fight. Seunghyun sat at Jiyong’s table, writing in his notebook, Mino staring at him, mouth gaped, Bobby had his phone out taking pictures. Jiyong furrowed his brows out of confusion, walking over slowly.   
“Hey hyung,” Jiyong said taking a seat next to Seunghyun.  
Seunghyun looked up, smiling at Jiyong, “Hello.”  
“Why are they taking pictures of you?” Jiyong asked softly, nodding towards Bobby and Mino.  
Seunghyun furrowed his brows, Jiyong wondered if he had even noticed the two.   
“Hey why are you taking pictures of me?” Seunghyun asked, his facial expression cold towards them.  
“You are sitting in a different seat!” Bobby spoke up.  
“And?”  
“You’ve ever sat in a different seat ever. You gave me a death stare my first day because I accidently sat in your spot, you didn’t stop until I moved!” Mino said.   
Seunghyun shrugged returning back to his notebook.  
Jiyong took Seunghyun’s free hand in his, intertwining their fingers. Bobby looked at the hand holding a minute before it finally sunk into his skull.   
“HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT THEY'RE GAY.” Bobby shouted snapping a picture of them holding hands.   
“WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN.” Mino said, also freaking out, he sat in a spare seat facing them, going back and forth from gawking at their faces.  
Jiyong jumped a little at the loud words.   
“Oh shit sorry forgot about the yelling.” Mino said, “When the fuck did this happen?” He whispered.  
“Do you have a problem with it?” Seunghyun asked.   
“I mean of course not I fuck Bobby, but like Choi Seunghyun is dating a human being.”   
“Excuse you I fuck you, you don’t fuck me.” Bobby said, joining Mino at the table after he was satisfied with the number of pictures he took of them.  
Mino turned to Jiyong, “So like is his dick huge because I don’t get this.”  
Jiyong blushed looking down at the desk.   
“That’s not nice to say.” Seunghyun said.   
“I wanna know! Have I been missing out on your big dick for all this time?” Mino smirked.   
“Shut up you can only think about my dick.” Bobby said shoving MIno playfully.   
“OH MY GOD YOU WEREN’T LYING.” Jackson screeched as he skipped in, taking a seat next to Bobby.   
“Right?” Bobby smiled.  
“We aren’t an exhibit in a museum stop staring like that.: Seunghyun mumbled.   
“Shush,” Jackson batted at Seunghyun, “We need a ship name.” He turned to Jiyong, “What’s your name? Do you go here even?”   
“He’s been in the class for like 2 weeks idiot. He’s the one we made cry.” Mino said.   
“Ohhhhhh.”Jackson stuck his hand out in Jiyong’s face, to shake.  
Jiyong didn’t look up, Jackson huffed bring his hand back to himself.  
“Does Mr. Unfriendly have a name?” Jackson asked.   
“His name is Jiyong, and can you just go away?” Seunghyun sighed.  
“The grumpy couple. The grumpy gays maybe? Is the grumpy gays a good name for them?” Jackson pitched.  
“Why are their a bunch of fuck boys at my table?” Cl’s voice rang from the door of the classroom.   
All the boys turned to look at her.   
“Gay!” Mino pointed at Seunghyun and Jiyong.   
“Oh my god.” Cl’s jaw dropped as she also sat at the table.  
Jiyong was bright red.   
“So I’m assuming the date went well then?” Cl smiled.  
“They went on a date! Bobby you’ve never taken me on a date.” Mino whined.   
“I didn’t think anyone still courted, I thought dating was just fucking only person over and over again.” Bobby shrugged.   
“Romantic.” Cl snickered.  
“What’d you guys go do?” Mino asked, resting his chin in his hand.   
“We went and saw a movie.” Seunghyun sighed, realising the group wouldn’t leave them alone.  
“Was the movie good, did you even watch it?” Jackson laughed.  
“Pff Seunghyun wouldn’t do anything in a movie theatre, he follows the rules. They probably fucked in the car afterwards.” Bobby giggled.   
“We didn’t do anything,” Jiyong finally spoke up, his voice cracking.   
“Alright fucks go to your seats,” Cl said, standing up to drag the boys to their own table.   
“I’m sorry.” Seunghyun said softly to Jiyong.   
“It’s not your fault there are just dummies.” Jiyong gave a small smile to Seunghyun as he looked up.  
Seunghyun laughed, squeezing Jiyong hand.   
“You’re okay with me sitting here right?” Seunghyun asked, looking Jiyong in the eyes.   
“Of course.” Jiyong played with Seunghyun hand absentmindedly.   
“Okay.” Cl huffed as she sat on the on the other side of Jiyong.   
She looked at the two of them again sneaking a small smile.  
“You better not fuck with my Ji Seunghyun, I’ll make you regret ten times over.”   
“I will not fuck with him.” Seunghyun chuckled.


	13. 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments/critiques and kudos (I'm iffy on this story so I wanna know if you guys like it or nah)  
> Love you all.

“Am I-” Seunghyun spun around in his seat,”Beautiful?”  
Seunghyun eyes were covered with badly drawn anime eyes on post it notes, Jiyong burst out  
into laughter, some of his water he was sipping on dripped down his chin.  
“I have to take a picture that’s so dumb.” Jiyong grinned pulling out his phone to snap a picture  
of the dorky Tabi.  
Seunghyun fake frowned, “When senpai notices you but not in a good way.”  
“The way you said senpai made my innards cringe, I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish my  
sandwich.” Jiyong looked at his half eaten lunch.  
Seunghyun laughed peeling the post it notes off, “I’m sorry please finish your lunch, I’ll hold off  
on the s word until you’re done. Can I see the picture of me?”  
Jiyong nodded clicking on the picture Seunghyun leaned over to look at it, his warm breath  
hitting Jiyong’s neck and his shoulder touching Jiyong’s. Jiyong tried his best not to flinch at it,  
Seunghyun noticed the subtle flinch anyways, moving away to not upset Jiyong.  
“Send that to me.” Seunghyun gave a small nervous smile.  
“I’m sorry, it’s innate it’s not because of you.”  
“No I get it don’t worry. “ Seunghyun gave a comforting smile, even though Jiyong could see he  
was a little hurt.  
Seunghyun rubbed his arm nervously before his face lit up and he rummaged through his lunch  
bag, picking out a moon pie, “Do you want to go halfsies?”  
Normally Jiyong would’ve said no but he would humour his hyung, “Sure.”  
Seunghyun smiled goofily, undoing the package gently, “Have you ever had one of these?”  
Jiyong nodded, “I don’t think I’ve had one since grade school though.”  
“Me neither, I used to love them though, everyday my mom would pack two in my lunch,” He  
turned to face Jiyong, “I was a little chubbster back in the day.” He laughed, “Anyways I haven’t  
had one in about 8 years maybe, but my dad works as a post delivery man and one of the places  
he delivers is a company that ships out packaged sweets like moonpies and cakes rolls. So he  
goes over there yesterday to deliver a box and they know him there and were like ‘Oh we forgot  
about these boxes of moonpies in the back of the warehouse and they are gonna be expired in a  
week so we don’t have enough time to ship them out to stores, we have been giving them away  
to our employees and since you’re a regular here and you’ve got a growing boy would you like  
some?” Seunghyun cut the pie with an extra unused plastic knife in his lunch box, making sure it  
was even. Jiyong giggled at Seunghyun excitedness as he listened to the story.  
“So my dad is like sure why not? Thinking they are gonna give him like a bow of moonpies you  
get at the store but they give him 10 boxes! So when he came home last night my step mom and I were like, ‘Did you robbed a bakery?’ It was really funny, now I’ve got dessert for a week, I don’t know if we can eat them after the expiration date, my dad says that the expiration date is more of a suggestion and to really just promote people into buying more of the food product  
instead of eating up the ones they already have. I don’t know though it makes me worried, I don’t want to get sick or my parents getting sick that’d be really bad. Anyways here you go!”  
Seunghyun finished his babbling and handed Jiyong half to him.  
They both took a bite, it was really bland and dry in Jiyong’s mouth, Seunghyun sighed, “These  
aren’t as good as I remember them.”  
“And you’re stuck with 10 boxes.” Jiyong piped up causing them both to burst out in laughter.  
Jiyong felt his phone vibrate in his pants pocket, he fumbled to get it out still laughing at Seunghyun. As he glanced down at his phone his face gave way into a frown.  
Youngbae to Jiyong: Hey  
"Something wrong?" Seunghyun asked timidly as he leaned over, trying to get a peek of the message.  
"I'm fine." Jiyong lied as he hurried to stuff his phone back in his pocket before Seunghyun could see the text.  
"You don't seem fine."  
It was true, Jiyong wasn't fine. When Jiyong awoke Sunday morning, the morning after the fight with Youngbae, Jiyong found Youngbae and his parents huddled and speaking in hushes at the kitchen table.  
"What are you guys talking about?" Jiyong asked, rubbing his eyes sleepily.  
They all darted up, giving worried looks as Jiyong sat right next to Youngbae, picking a piece of Younbae's muffin off his plate and popping it into his own mouth.  
"Are you feeling better than yesterday?" Younbae asked with a confused look on his face.  
Jiyong tilted his head, also confused, he didn't remember almost anything from the previous day other than his date with his new boyfriend.  
"What happened yesterday? I only remember up until you picked me up."  
Youngbae looked at his parents flashing them a "help me" look.  
"Are you really dating someone?" His mother spoke up.  
Jiyong gulped, "What- how'd you find out?"  
"You uh told me yesterday and we got in a fight about it." Youngbae said softly.  
Jiyong suddenly remembered what had occurred the day before, Youngbae's "You're so stupid." comment hitting the back of his throat, it tasted bitter.  
"I remember now." Jiyong's voice trembled, he stood up calmly, turning his back on his family and walking towards the stairs.  
"Jiyong where are you going?" His father spoke up.  
Jiyong didn't respond, starting to make his way up the steps.  
He heard a chair move, seconds later Youngbae's hand spinned him around, making them face each other.  
"Jiyong don-"  
"Fuck you." Jiyong spat, Youngbae's eyes grew wide, not expecting that response.  
"What'd you just say?" His father questioned.  
"Fuck you guys too." Jiyong broke eye contact with youngbae to scowl at his parents.  
"We just wanna help Ji-"  
"It's too late to help me," Jiyong interrupted his mother, "if you want to help me get a time machine and go back to September. Maybe if any of you gave a shit about me back then we wouldn't be I'm this shitty situation. I know you guys think that just because we moved houses and schools that the part can blow over like it didn't even happen, and forget about Being shitty parents. I don't know it May work for you but out doesn't work for me. My every constant thought is about him, he never leaves me alone. I just wanna be a happy normal teenager. I wanna how my school day was, how my friends are, if I did well on a test but all I get are questions asking me if I took my my meds, if I ate, how my doctors visit was, being overly babied because you guys feel guilty and I'm tired of it. If you guys cared you would've been here before. Just let me run my own life farther into the ground, I don't need your help to do it.  
"Jiyon-" Youngbae started.  
"Fuck off Youngbae, I don't want you to catch my stupidity." Jiyong shoved the older boy off, running upstairs and into the bathroom.  
He layed down in the bathtub, hearing the front door of the house slam shut. He laid there for what was probably hours, he wasn't sure, eyes closed, the cold porcelain tub floor pressed up against the side of his face. The silence of the room seeping into his pores, the massive flood of thoughts following the silence giving him a headache.  
His mother nor father came to check on him, a pit of regret filled his stomach.  
There was a small knock on the bathroom door, Jiyong's eyes snapped open.  
"Hyung." Seungri's voice piped up from behind the closed door.  
"Go away." Jiyong said, closing his eyes again.  
Outside was quiet for a moment before the door clicked open followed by the sound of small footsteps hitting the floor tile.  
"I said go aw-" Jiyong snapped sitting up in the tub, he shut his mouth immediately when he saw Seungri was puffy faced and crying.  
"D-do you hate me too hyung?" He said in a small voice he lips quivering, making Jiyong's heart break.  
"No no no of course not come here." Jiyong stretched out his arms.  
Seungri climbed in the tub, Jiyong pulling him into a tight hug. The younger boy sobbed on his shoulder. Seungri had never been much of crier making his current state freaked Jiyong out even more.  
"Why are you crying?" He asked softly while running his fingers through the younger's thick hair.  
"I heard what you said to Mom and Dad and then you left and then Youngbae stormed out and then Mom and Dad fought on the back porch for like an hour and then they had to leave for a work emergency and Daesung Hyung isn't here so I'm all alone and scared because everyone hates each other. Like what if Mom and Dad get a divorce and Daesung Hyungs and Youngbae Hyung leave and you kill yourself?  I'll be alone, I don't even know how to cook ramen by myself how can I take care of myself alone?" Seungri spoke in rapid fire, half of the words almost unintelligible because if his difficulty breathing and heavy sobs.  Jiyong could tell the younger was clearly having a panic attack, remaining attached to Jiyong, gripping harshly.  
Jiyong was shocked, he never expected this stuff to phase Seungri, always thinking the boy was 100% happy all the time. How long had Seungri had these thoughts? Were they just because of the fighting today or had the boy been bottling them up since Jiyong was sent to the hospital?  
"Don't leave me all alone. I don't wanna be alone." Seungri continued.  
"Shh, I'm not going to abandon you, how could I abandon someone so lovable and precious?" Jiyong brought Seungri's face out of his own chest, bringing it up to his eye level so he could see him.  
The younger boy's face was bright red, his breathing loud and jagged as the tears kept flowing.  
"Everything is going to be okay, just breathe. I promise that I will never leave you okay? I may be a shitty Hyung but from now on I will make sure you're taken care of okay? I love you so much and I never meant for today to happen. I never meant to make Mom, dad, hyung, and you upset. I'm just really stupid sometimes." Jiyong said as he moved a strand of Seungri's hair out of his face.  
"Don't break your promise." Seungri whimpered once he had finally calmed down enough.  
"I won't." Jiyong smiled.  
Seungri's stomach growled.  
"Want me to make you some lunch?" Jiyong offered.  
"It's dinner time." Seungri pointed at the clock on the wall, it read 8:32 p.m.  
"Wow it's past dinner, you must be hungry. You want me to make you dinner?"  
"Only if you eat with me."  
Jiyong nodded, the knot in his stomach starting to dissipate.  
Seungri smiled, grabbing Jiyong's hand and leading them downstairs and into the kitchen.  
As Jiyong tiredly fixed them ramen Seungri happily babbled on on about video games, school, and memes. Jiyong tried his best to keep up and show the younger he was involved.  
"What's your boyfriend's name?" Seungri asked with a mouthful of ramen.  
Jiyong had forgotten the younger has heard the conversation earlier.  
"Seunghyun but his nickname is Tabi.:  
Seungri giggled, "Tabi is a dumb nickname but I like it."  
"Me too." Jiyong smiled.  
"Is Tabi Hyung nice to you?"  
"I mean I've only known him for a little over a week but I would say yes. He's just a little awkward at first and it comes off as unfriendly but after talking to him he's a cinnamon roll of a person."  
"I like the sound of him, you know Mom and Dad and Youngbae are stressed about him but I have faith in your judgement hyung." Seungri gleamed.  
Jiyong felt a warmth hit him from Seungri's supportive words, almost making him burst into tears.  
"Thanks dongsae."  
"That being said I'll frick him up if he's mean to you and you need help." Seungri made a tough guy stance, ramen noodles falling out of his mouth as he did so causing both of them to burst out laughing.  
"My hero," Jiyong laughed, ruffling Seungri's hair.

"Jiyong you good?" Jiyong snapped out of his thoughts at Seunghyun's concerned voice.  
"What? Oh yeah, sorry hyung I was just thinking."  
"About what?"  
"About who would win in a cage fight, you or my 14 year old brother."  
Seunghyun chuckled, "Is he the one from the picture you showed me earlier? If so then he would for sure win. I could never punch a cherub like him."  
They both laughed.  
The bell rang signaling the end of lunch.  
"I'm going to the bathroom before the break ends. I'll be back in a minute, don't miss me too much." Seunghyun smiled before getting up.  
"Write to me. I'll never forget you." Jiyong joked, making Seunghyun laugh as he exited the room.  
Jiyong looked down at his pocket for a moment before sighing and pulling out his phone to type.  
Jiyong to Youngbae: Hey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys get any kpop stuff for christmas?  
> Let me know in the comments!  
> I got Dean's 130 Mood: trbl album and a Jimin Bts hoodie.


	14. 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is lame, lazy, and overdue.  
> Thank you for 2.8k reads!  
> I adore comment/critiques and I appreciate kudos if you genuinely like the story because it tells me that it isn't as shitty as I think it is.  
> (I don't think I've mentioned it really but in the story Jiyong's parents are suppose to be lawyers)

“Just call him hyung.” Seungri huffed.  
Jiyong and Seungri were in Seungri’s room. Jiyong sat legs crisscrossed distracted by his phone while the younger of the had his head rested sideways in Jiyong’s lap as he played some platforming video game.  
They had been like this for hours after school, empty food containers strewn around them.  
Jiyong looked down from his phone to ruffle the younger’s hair, he had spent 20 minutes trying to craft an apology text to Youngbae.  
“I’m too nervous, what if speaking to him doesn’t come out right?”  
“Hyung texting someone sorry is kind of shitty isn’t it?” Seungri looked up with a smile.  
“Hey you are too young to cuss!” Jiyong frowned, Seungri was right though, texting was the insincere coward's way to approach apologizing to someone. However, Jiyong was a coward in his eyes so why wouldn’t a text be the way to go?  
“I mean he texted you so obviously he wants to make up. He’s not gonna answer the phone call by shouting at you or anything. Just talk to him, Youngbae hyung should be the least of your worries anyways. I mean how are you planning to apologize to Mom and Dad?”  
Jiyong stomach hurt when he thought about having to deal with his parents later on.  
Jiyong sighed, throwing his phone on the bed and falling back on the bed. He stared at the glow in the dark stickers on the ceiling feeling a little amused the younger boy had bought new glow in the dark stars for the new house even though he was in highschool.  
He heard the game’s music change to the menu song and the shifting of weight of Seungri, He felt his brother curl up against him, his head resting on Jiyong’s chest.  
“Call Youngbae hyung first.”  
Jiyong laughed, “Even you tell me what to do.”  
Seungri laughed too but he snuggled closer.  
“I’ll call him,” Jiyong ruffled Seungri’s hair again as the younger clapped his hands together softly in joy.  
\---  
Jiyong looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, he had no idea why he was trying to fix his messy hair before calling Youngbae. He wouldn’t see his hyung so what was the point? He sighed staring at his washed out face and his tired eyes. He thought he would’ve looked healthier now. I mean he was eating, well eating more than he used to, why wasn’t he back to his old self yet?  
He shook his head, Youngbae first, he would about his ugliness later.  
Jiyong pulled out his phone from his back pocket, he dialed the number with shaky hands. The monotoned ring rang 5 times before the other line picked up, Jiyong nervousness swirled in his stomach.  
“Hello?” Youngbae’s voice carried.  
“Uh h-hey hyung.” Jiyong said quietly.  
“Hey, I’m glad you called I was just about to call you actually.” Youngbae’s voice said warmly.  
“Oh uh yeah.” Jiyong was at loss for words.  
“ Do you wanna talk? You don’t sound too good are you okay?” Youngbae’s voice full of worry.  
“I-I’m okay I j-just wanted to apologize t-to you.”Jiyong chewed on his nail bed.  
“Oh,” the other side was silent for a moment, “It’s okay you don’t have to apologize.”  
“Yeah I do. I was shitty to you yesterday, what I said was horrible.” Jiyong’s lip quivered.  
“I mean you did say some shitty things I can’t deny that.” Silence again, “But what I said to you Saturday was also shitty.”  
They sat in silence again.  
“Am I actually stupid Hyung?” Jiyong asked.  
“No, you aren’t at all,” Youngbae sighed, “Do you think I’m trying to help you because I feel guilty and not because I love you and care about you?”  
“Not really, that was more directed at Mom and Dad.” Jiyong let out a pathetic sad laugh, his eyes tearing up.  
“I love you more than anything and I always will. I’m really sorry.” Youngbae also sounded close to tears.  
“I’m really sorry, it was all my fault, it always is.”  
“If I hadn’t said what I said Saturday we wouldn’t be like this, it’s my fault.”  
“I mean who can blame you for what you said? I don’t have a very good track record.”  
“I was too harsh about though, I didn’t even give you a chance.”  
Silence on the airwaves again.  
“You are still my best friend right?” Jiyogn spoke up softly.  
“Of course.” Youngbae laughed.  
“Good.”  
“I’m glad you called me, I seriously thought you wouldn’t love me anymore. It was that same feeling I got when you were in the hospital. I don’t know what I would do without you Jiyong.” Youngbae was definitely crying.  
“I will always love you hyung.”  
The line was quiet again aside from the mumbles sounds of Youngbae crying.  
“Are you gonna apologize to Mom and Dad.”  
Jiyong sighed, “Yes but-” Jiyong went to sit in the tub laying back to stare at the ceiling.  
“But what?”  
“Is it bad that I don’t feel as guilty towards them? Am I just a horrible human?”  
“Maybe because you don’t really talk to them? I mean when’s the last time you had an actual conversation with dad?”  
“Never. I don’t think he’s programed that way.”  
“You two are the same quiet person really. It doesn’t help that he works like crazy all the time either.”  
“I mean yeah Dad isn’t really a thing but Mom? Why don’t I feel bad about Mom? I’ve been close to her I think?”  
“I don’t know. Parents are a weird relationship to have. You do know they love you though right?”  
“Yeah.” Jiyong sighed. “ How do I apologize to them?”  
“Just say sorry. They’ll forgive you but you know that they’ll want to talk about your boyfriend.”  
“Or I could just not apologize and we could live in silence forever. We can’t talk about Seunghyun if we are ignoring each other.” Jiyong gave a pathetic laugh.  
“Yeah I’m sure everything would be absolutely fine if you did that.” Youngbae’s voice was filled with extreme sarcasm.  
“Okay I’ll talk with them.”  
“Good.”  
“Oh and could we maybe take Seungri for ice cream and a movie or something next time you come around?” Jiyong added in.  
“Can I ask why?”  
“He’s been upset.”  
“Baby cakes is upset?”  
“He uh heard the fight and he got scared. He thinks everyone is going to abandon him or something.”  
“Shit. I’m going to call him how is he?” Youngbae questioned.  
“He seems okay now. I was with him all afternoon, it was nice, I’ve missed hanging out with him. I was thinking, when was the last time I did really hang out with him? I’ve been shitty hyung to him.”  
“You’re here for him now though and that’s what matters. Also yes, I think I’ll come this weekend and we can spoil him rotten.”  
Jiyong laughed, “Sounds like a plan.”  
Jiyong could hear the garage door open, his stomach hurt.  
“They’re here.” Jiyong said mimicking the girl from Poltergeist.  
Youngbae pity laughed, “Go talk to them.”  
“Okay okay, I don’t need two moms.”  
“Yes you do.” Youngbae teased.  
“Okay Mama Bae I’ll talk to you later.”  
“Okay my darling son, love you and good luck.” Youngbae chuckled.  
“Love you too.”  
Jiyong hung up, listening to the silence of the room before sitting up and scratching his head. He sat for a moment, trying to delay the inevitable talk. The door creaked open before he even got up, his mother standing in the doorway. She looked tired, a sad smile on her face.  
They stared at each other in an awkward silence for a moment.  
“Mind if I join you?” She asked with puppy eyes.  
Jiyong moved, patting the space beside him in the tub. She gave a small smile, before entering the bathroom, closing the door behind her. She walked over, stopping on the pale blue rug to take off her heals, she was still in her salt and pepper power suit. As she stepped into the tub she pulled her shoulder length hair in a messy ponytail. The warmth of her body radiated over to Jiyong.  
“Oof I need to lose some weight I can barely sit in here.” She chuckled.  
Jiyong looked at her kind face the amount of overworking shown by her eyebags badly hidden by concealer.  
“How was your day?” She asked looking at him with a soft smile.  
He stared into her eyes for a moment in silence before hugging her tightly. He could feel her body stiff up for a brief moment out of surprise before relaxing into the hug and putting her arms around him.  
“I’m sorry Mom.” He mumbled in her shoulder.  
“It’s okay baby.” She said rubbing his back, tears filling her eyes.  
\------  
“I will ask him.” Jiyong muttered.  
“Really?!” His mother gleamed.  
They had talked it out in the bathroom, making up and crying before deciding to go get dinner. Seungri had been happy to see the two in good graces, munching happily on the pizzas they ordered. Daesung joined, not knowing anything went on in the first place.  
They now sat on the couch, Seungri passed out next his mother and Daesung leaving to go shower before bed. Jiyong’s head rested on his mother’s shoulder.  
“Do you think you can be cool around him? He gets nervous and he’s not great at social interactions.”  
“He’s nice to you right?” She questioned.  
Jiyong rolled his eyes, “For the billionth time yes, Seunghyun is sweet to me.”  
She nodded,“we might want to meet him without your father being around first.”  
Jiyong sat up, “I forgot about dad! He’s still probably mad at me.”  
Their father was still at work, even at 9pm, he had a big case going on.  
“Don’t worry I’ll tell him about today.” His mother comforted, running her hand through his hair.  
“You will?” Jiyong smiled, relieved.  
“Yes, I know how you two are together. Nothing would get accomplished, the house would just explode from all the awkward silence in the air.” She laughed.  
“You are not wrong.” Jiyong bit his lip in thought before returning his head to her shoulder.  
“I do think it would be nice if you guys got closer though. Your father loves you boys more than anything he just doesn’t show it very well.”  
“I know.” Jiyong said quietly.  
“But that’s for another time, let’s go back to Seunghyun.”  
Jiyong groaned, he was tired of all her questions.  
“Do you think he could come this weekend? I bet you Youngbae is dying to meet him as much as me.”  
“I’ll ask him.” Jiyong said annoyed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the people who like this, it makes me feel happy and worth something in this world when I see comments from you guys about how you are excited to read the next chapters.  
> 

“Good morning Hyung.” Jiyong smiled as he sat down next to Seunghyun just as the morning bell rang.  
Seunghyun looked up from his book with a kind smile, “Good morning to you too.” He placed his bookmark in his book before closing to give his undivided attention to Jiyong.  
“Did you finish your other book yesterday? I haven't seen you with this one before.” Jiyong said as he leaned in to look at the title.  
“Yeah I couldn’t sleep well last night so I finished my other book. This one is a poem book about ponies.”  
Jiyong gave a strange look before bursting out into laughter.  
“You are so weird Hyung.” Jiyong teased.  
“Hey! I’m a hipster reading it ironically okay. I saw it on amazon and it looked so odd I had to get it and experience the weird beastiliaty undertones myself.” Seunghyun laughed.  
“Well I mean ponies are perfect for that aren’t they? They are the definition of perfect height no bucket required.” Jiyong cringed.  
Seunghyun also made a face of disgust before laughing again, “Good h3h3 reference didn’t know you were a fan.”  
Jiyong smiled and shrugged, “Seungri showed them to me. They may be silly but they make me laugh and that’s a hard thing to do so I love them.”  
Seunghyun raised an eyebrow and gave a smirk.  
“Why you looking at me like that you dumbo.” Jiyong face pouted.  
“I make you laugh a lot do you love me?” Seunghyun gave a goofy smile.  
Jiyong blushed bright red, embarrassment seeping into his pores, “I-I d-didn’t mean it like that.”  
“I was just kidding, trying to ruffle your feathers, calm down. No homo Jiyong, well a little homo since we’re dating but you know.”  
Jiyong smiled, taking Seunghyun’s hand in his own as per usual.  
“I’d say we like 43% gay, 57% dumb babies.”  
“I beg to differ, I think I’m 43% gay, 57% dumb baby and you are 100% adorable and sweet as heck.” Seunghyun smiled.  
Jiyong clasped his free hand over his heart faking a pained expression, “Heart attack, that was too cute I’m dying. You’ve killed me with your kindness hyung.”  
“R.I.P. Kwon Jiyong, will be dearly missed by his gay ass boyfriend, we will now play the entirety of the Karate Kid movie, the Jaden Smith remake, during this funeral, and placing Dragon Ball Z figurines on his casket instead of flowers.”  
“Honestly perfect funeral,” Jiyong giggled. 

As the two continued talking Bobby watched them from across the room in perplexity.  
Mino looked up from his phone, “Whatchu looking at dumbass?”  
“Seunghyun.” Bobby muttered, still staring.  
“Why?” Mino raised an eyebrow.  
“It’s,” Bobby paused to look at his phone screen, “8:41 and role still hasn’t been called.”  
“So? Are you turning into Seunghyun now?” Mino teased.  
Bobby smack Mino’s chest, “That’s what I’m trying to say, Seunghyun hasn’t commented once about it, he doesn’t even look like he cares.”  
“Huh, interesting.” Mino muttered before joining in to stare.

\------------------  
Jiyong nibbled on his peanut butter and jelly sandwich and scrolled through a webtoon as Seunghyun’s head laid on his shoulder. He had been falling into sleep off and on during the first half of the school day and had finally passed out after eating his lunch. Jiyong smiled to himself, had it been months ago the thought of someone touching him for a long period of time would have had him in a panicked state, however, he had only been a little uncomfortable in the first moments of having the older head on his shoulder. Now after 10 minutes of Seunghyun snuggled on him Jiyong felt extremely warm and gooey on the inside.  
He was hoping lunch would never end at this point, not only because the comforting and peaceful sound of Seunghyun’s deep breathing, but because he knew he needed to bring up the invite to his house for dinner this weekend. Jiyong’s still hadn’t asked him, he really didn’t want to ask him, afraid Seunghyun would get uncomfortable by the offer because it seemed too early in their relationship to meet his parents. He would probably think Jiyong was moving too quickly.  
“Is he asleep?” Jiyong was brought out of his webtoon by Mr. Jeong entering the room, he had left a few minutes ago to heat up his lunch in the teacher’s room.  
Jiyong nodded yes, Mr. Jeong frowned as he placed his lunch on his desk before walking over to their table. Jiyong wondered why the man seemed so upset Seunghyun was taking a nap.  
“Did he seem sick this morning?”Mr. Jeong said giving a good look at Seunghyun.  
“Uh no? He mentioned he couldn’t fall asleep last night though.”  
Mr. Jeong face seemed to pale a little.  
“Is something wrong?” Jiyong asked concerned, looking over at Seunghyun’s peaceful sleeping face.  
“Seunghyun.” Mr. Jeong said while softly shaking the older boy.  
“Mmm.” Seunghyun mumbled.  
“Wake up Seunghyun I need to talk with you.”  
“Mm comfy go away.” Seunghyun mumbled sighing and snuggling closer to Jiyong.  
“Seunghyun.” Mr. Jeon said sternly.  
Seunghyun groaned before sitting up, Jiyong felt cold immediately, the older rubbed his eyes before looking up at Mr. Jeong with a scowl.  
“What?” Seunghyun sounded annoyed.  
“Jiyong can you leave the room for a couple minutes?”  
Jiyong nervously nodded picking up his phone and sliding it into his pocket before standing up.  
“Why do you need to talk to me privately. Jiyong can just stay, he hasn’t even finished his lunch.” Seunghyun said pointing to the barely touched lunch.  
“Jiyong you have permission to finish your lunch when you come back, even if lunch is technically over. I’m sorry but I need to speak to Seunghyun alone. Will you be okay out by yourself? If not Seunghyun and I can go find an empty room to talk.”  
Jiyong shook his head, “No it’s fine don’t worry.” Jiyong gave a fake smile before heading out of the room.  
His chest hurt, wondering what the hell Mr. Jeong was doing. Why did he need to talk to Seunghyun about sleeping? It was just a fucking nap. Jiyong sighed looking around the hallway and not knowing what to do with himself. He decided to go look around at the school posters. He was lost in a flyer about not shitting in school urinals when somebody came up to him.  
“What are you doing out here small baby?” Jiyong jumped at the voice before realizing the person talking was CL.  
“Oh hey, um nothing just looking around.” Jiyong gave a small smile, noticing that CL wasn’t by herself but with a pretty brown haired girl whose body her arm was wrapped around.  
“Aren’t you usually eating lunch with your lover Tabi?” Cl teased lovingly.  
“Oh he’s Jiyong?” The brown haired girl said, her face lighting up, “He’s just as adorable as you described!”  
Jiyong blushed, “Uh thank you-?”  
“Dara! I’m CL’s girlfriend.” She gleamed.  
“Thank you Dara, you are just as pretty as Cl said you were.”  
Dara giggled kissing Cl’s cheek, Cl kissing her cheek back.  
“You didn’t answer my question.” Cl brought back up.  
“Oh uh Mr. Jeon came in the room and when he saw Seunghyun taking a nap he woke him up and told me to leave for a couple of minutes so he could talk to him alone.”  
Dara frowned, “That’s not good.”  
“Why?” Jiyong felt a panic in his stomach.  
Cl sighed, “Well we’ve been off and on in that classroom our whole time in highschool, Dara and I, so we’ve seen Seunghyun in many stages of his life.”  
“And?”  
“Freshman year he was the worst,” Dara stepped in, “ he used to get really upset easily, he used to cry and have panic attacks over the littlest of things. Like once he had to be escorted out of the room because he had a meltdown over one of his book pages getting creased. ”  
Jiyong felt himself getting paler, that wasn’t anything like Seunghyun now, sure he had issues with things like the table knocking and fixing things but Jiyong hadn’t seen him throw a crying fit.  
“What does that have to do with napping?”  
“Well on days, most days back then, he would fall asleep in class, especially at study period and lunch time. However, sophomore year he seemed like he was getting better, still not great but way better, and he wouldn’t sleep at lunch, but days when he would have a melt down or seemed extremely panicky and stressed we noticed he seemed tired and he slept.” CL finished.  
Panic was setting in to Jiyong, what was happening in Seunghyun’s life?  
“Hey but don’t worry too much about it okay? It could’ve just been a nap and Mr. Jeong is overreacting.” Dara gave a comforting smile.  
“Y-yeah, that’s probably it, he seemed in a good mood today.” Jiyong lied to himself.  
“I’m sure.” CL smiled, Jiyong could tell the smile was fake.  
The bell rang signifying the end of lunch.  
“Let’s go to class before there are a ton of people in the halls.” Cl changed the subject.  
Jiyong nodded meekly while Cl gave a quick kiss to Dara and they all said their goodbyes.  
When they entered the room Seunghyun was scrolling on his phone and Mr. Jeong sat at his desk quickly eating his lunch.  
Jiyong nervously sat down at his table.  
“Hey, you okay?” Jiyong asked timidly.  
“Yeah why wouldn’t I be?” Seunghyun smiled, locking his phone and putting it down to start his next school assignment.  
“Just wondering.”  
“I’m good don’t look so worried. Now eat your lunch, I made sure to protect it from being eaten by Mr. Jeong.” Seunghyun joked.  
Jiyong smiled, and picked up his sandwich. He bit it and started chewing it, pretending not to notice the sadness brewing in his boyfriend’s eyes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did I tell you I found a kpop store in my state? I've gone twice and I'M IN LOVE. The lady who owns it is an adorable funny korean mom. She legit is the best person we talked to her for like an hour when we go (she remembered my name and things about me my second time visiting)  
> go check out her instagram she ships things too if you don't live in georgia!: @kpopmusicdepot
> 
> recommendations of the chapter:  
> songs:  
> trouble - giriboy (basically anything by him but listen to this)  
> know me - dpr live feat Dean  
> beautiful- monsta x  
> yesterday- block b
> 
> fanfics (on ao3):  
> devoured soul - twisted bunny (it's kaisoo and basically kyungsoo will so anything for kai and kai uses that to his full sick advantage) http://archiveofourown.org/works/10323911/chapters/22823237  
> why am i like this - kpop_trash (its yoonmin and real emo but also real good and if you like this and bts you'll like that)  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8555872/chapters/19616026  
> the meaty meal - koi_ling (winner fanfic but really only mino and jinwoo. it's a creepy thriller one shot)  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8307085  
> PLEASE SUGGEST BIG BANG FANFICS TO ME


	16. 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't sleep so this is a smol update.  
> (sorry for any shitty grammar I just wrote this late at night)

Seunghyun acted as he normally would, happier even, the rest of the school day. Jiyong prayed that he was just sleepy earlier and Mr. Jeong and Cl were overreacting.  
“Hey are you okay? You seemed a little off the last couple of hours.” Seunghyun softly said as Jiyong and he waited by the classroom doorway.  
The dismissal bell had rung a few minutes ago, however, Jiyong didn’t like the hoards of schoolmates in the hallways rushing to leave their hellhole, otherwise know as school, as soon as possible. Instead he waited ten minutes after before venturing out to meet Seungri at the top of the stairs.  
“Is that why you are staying around with me today Hyung?” Jiyong asked, people watching from the safety of the doorframe, Seunghyun stood on the other side of the frame.  
Seunghyun usually left 5 minutes earlier than the dismissal bell, he was allowed to, Jiyong hadn’t questioned him why yet. He just assumed it was a personal issue and would wait until the older told him.  
“Sort of. Usually I take my own car but it broke down and I can’t get the car part I need until next weekend. So my stepmom is driving me.”  
“You could have told me! I would have given you a ride home.”  
Seunghyun gave a small smile, “Don’t worry about she works here, she a math teacher for Algebra one.”  
“Oh I didn’t know that.” Jiyogn said, feeling a little embarrassed.  
“I mean I’m not very good at the whole telling things and I should be considering you are too good for this world.”  
“What does that mean.” Jiyong question eyes moving to connect with Seunghyun’s.  
The older shrugged, “You know how to not be a nosey asshole and you really only ask questions when you think people are comfortable answering or need help but are too afraid to ask for it. You just understand certain things about people without having to be all up in their shit. It’s nice, really nice. I feel like I’m not being tested when I talk to you like I feel like most people do. I feel like I’m that way too, not too good for this world, but like I don’t feel like prying. That why we go well together.”  
Jiyong ears turned red from the compliment.  
“Then again it’s not the best way to be in a relationship if both parties are too nervous to share. Like for example: I didn’t even ask you your last name and itt took me a solid 2 days before I heard Mr.Jeong calling you by your full name. Which I know is dumb but I knew I would feel like an asshole asking you when we were already on lunch buddy basis.”  
“I don’t know your birthday.” Jiyong mumbled looking at his shoes.  
Seunghyun let out a small amused chuckle, “I don’t know yours either.”  
Both boys burst into a laughter.  
“August 18th.” Jiyong said after he could breath.  
“November 4th.”  
The stood in a comfortable silence, Jiyong looking back up to stare into Seunghyun’s soft eyes.  
“I say let’s start a game.” Jiyong broke the silence.  
Seunghyun raised an eyebrow.  
“Every day we will try to say 5 things about ourselves or what we are thinking to the other. Whether it be something silly or something really personal, whatever we want to share. That way our shy personalities won't interfere with our dating as much and I can finally get to know the great Choi Seunghyun better.”  
Seunghyun gave another smile, “Good idea.”  
“Shall we let the game begin?”  
“I’d love to but let's start walking,” Seunghyun pointed to the empty hallway.  
Jiyong nodded, taking Seunghyun’s hand as they began to walk down the deserted hall.  
“One: I wish I could wear nail polish to school. I really like the way my fingers look painted.” Jiyong started, swaying their hands slowly.  
“One: I’m horrible dancer.” Seunghyun stated.”  
“Two: I’m a light sleeper.”  
“Two: I’ve always wanted to dye my hair white.”  
Jiyong too a deep breath, “ Three: I’m supposed to invite you to dinner at my house this weekend but I'm nervous that you will think I’m moving too fast or you will be scared off.”  
Seunghyun stopped walking, looking at the younger boy, “Three:I’d love to come but I’m worried that your parents won’t like me.”  
“My dad won't be there just my mom and brothers and four: I don’t want to ever make you feel like you are forced to do something I asked because five: That’s the way I want to be treated to.”  
“Four:I love the way you care about others and Jiyong, I will come to your dinner, I think it will be good for both of us.”  
Jiyong gave a big smile, “Okay this is an extra one but six: It just made me really happy you said yes and I’m glad you are willing to try.”  
Seunghyun smiled back, bringing their conjoined hand up to his lips and giving a small kiss on the back of Jiyong’s hand.  
Jiyogn blushed as they began walking again.  
“You didn’t say your 5th one.” Jiyong added as they were close to reaching the steps.  
“Five: I know you are worried about what happened at lunch. I’m sure you heard about me freshman year from CL. It’s true, I’m not totally feeling well over a personal issue and I’m not at the point where I’m ready to talk about it. Just know that you shouldn’t worry much, if the issue gets worse I’ll tell you and if the issue doesn’t get worse just know one day, hopefully soon, I will be able to talk it over with you becuase I really like you and I think you understand what it’s like to feel this way. And bonus, I hope that we will be able to share a lot of the things we have problems with with each other and maybe support each other in a comforting and safe way.”  
Jiyong stared at Seunghyun’s lip slightly quiver, his hand a little clammy in his own as he had said his fifth statement.  
“Can I give you a hug?” Jiyong asked softly.  
Seunghyun nodded and was wrapped in Jiyong’s tiny but comforting embrace.  
“Everything will be okay Hyung and I agree, I’m here for you when you are ready to talk and I hope I can be ready to talk about my issues with you one day soon.”


	17. 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took almost a month it was a long chapter and I'm lazy but it's my fav chapter so.  
> Thanks for over 4k reads holy shit!  
> THIS CHAPTER TALKS ABOUT CHILD ABUSE, SELF HARM, RAPE AND ATTEMPTED SUICIDE SO BE 
> 
>  

The rest of the week Jiyong got closer to Seunghyun. He knew Seunghyun loved the color blue, if he ever drank he would be a wine mom, he preferred button up shirts instead of t shirts, just silly facts but they made Jiyong smile. However, he noticed how fidgety and tired the older had gotten.  
“Are you excited about tomorrow?” Jiyong smiled as the two held hands and walked down the hallway at the end of the school day.  
Sseunghyun looked up from his phone, “hmm?”  
“For tomorrow?”  
“Oh yeah of course I am,” Seunghyun smiled.  
The older looked back down at his phone typing someone.  
Jiyong frowned to himself, Seunghyun had been texting someone all day. However, he didn’t want to pry.  
Seunghyun’s phone rang.  
“I have to answer this. I’ll see you tomorrow okay?” Seunghyun said walking off into the hallway by himself.  
“Bye.” Jiyong called meekly and pointlessly before sighing and heading to meet Seungri by himself.  
\------

 

Jiyong awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of his phone going off. He stretched sleepily before reaching for his phone on the bedside table. The bright screen light of the phone burned his eyes. He clicked on the notification to find 2 texts from Seunghyun.  
Tabi: Can I call you? I don’t know if you’re awake or not but if you are can I?  
Tabi:You don’t have to if you don’t want to.  
Jiyong furrowed his brows in confusion before calling the older number. The call was almost immediately declined. A text popped up a moment later.  
Tabi: Sorry I shouldn’t have bothered you I’m so annoying. I hope you sleep well <3  
Jiyong dialed the number again anyways. This time Seunghyun answered after 4 rings.  
“Hyung?” Jiyong yawned.  
“Sorry I shouldn’t have bothered you.” Seunghyun’s voice sound strained and Jiyong could hear rain in the background.  
“Don’t worry about it hyung.”  
“Okay.” Seunghyun answered awkwardly.  
“What’d you wanna talk about?”  
“Nothing in particular I was just wondering if you could talk to me for a little while.” Seunghyun sounded upset.  
“Are you okay?” Sleepiness was wearing off and being replaced with a sense of worry.  
“I’m fine.” Seunghyun said the lying in his voice was obvious to Jiyong  
“Where are you?”  
“Nowhere.”  
“Hyung seriously where are you?” Jiyong sat up.  
“I-I’m at a park I think?”  
“It’s 3 am why are you at a park? How’d you get there?”  
“I ran.” Seunghyun answered bluntly.  
“It pouring outside.”  
“Oh it is. I didn’t even realize it.” Seunghyun sounded surprised.  
“Won’t your parents be worried?” Jiyong was feeling panicked.  
“No.They um think I’m at a friend’s house but I wasn’t I lied to them I’m I’m with my m-m- or I was with her but it happened again.” Seunghyun voice cracked.  
“Hyung sh it’s okay calm down.” Jiyong put on his slippers quickly.  
“Dad’s gonna be so mad, I’m so dumb and I deserve it.” Seunghyun whimpered.  
Jiyong got out of his bed rushing to his mother’s room.  
“Can you text me the address I’ll come and get you.” Jiyong begged trying to sound calm.  
“N-no-no you can’t see me like this. I’m not worth getting.” Seunghyun sounded like he was crying.  
“Tabi I will dump you and never speak to you again if you don’t tell me where you are.” Jiyong said getting frustrated.  
“N-no wait I’ll find out. I’ll look for a sign.” Seunghyun pleaded pitifully.  
Jiyong shook his mother awake.  
“Mom we need to go get Seunghyun he needs help.” He whispered as she awoke.  
“Is everything okay?” She rubbed her eyes.  
“I don’t know. I don’t think so.”  
She nodded getting out of bed quickly and making her way to downstairs he followed behind.  
“Tabi are you still there?” Jiyong asked as they left the house, rain pelting them.  
“Yeah yeah I’m at rosewood nature center.” Seunghyun answered while Jiyong got into the car.  
“Okay we are on our way.” Jiyong said feeling relieved that the park was only a few minutes away.  
“I’m sorry.” Seunghyun whimpered.  
“There is nothing to be sorry about.” Jiyong answered.  
They sat on the phone listening to each other, Seunghyun’s sobs were loud and broken.  
They found Seunghyun sitting on a curb, water pelting him viciously.  
Jiyong rushed out of the car running over to him.  
The older boy flinched when Jiyong touched his face, he tilted the boy’s head up to see the boy’s lip split open and his nose bleeding.  
“What happened?” Jiyong asked wide eyed.  
Seunghyun said nothing looking back down at the rain drops pelting the pavement. Jiyong mother came up under a large umbrella handing an unopened one to Jiyong. He opened the bright red umbrella holding it over both Seunghyun’s and his bodies.  
Jiyong grabbed the older’s hand and knelt down in front of him, he brushed Seunghyun’s wet bangs away from his face. He used his pajama shirt sleeve to wipe off his face, the older boy was crying.  
Jiyong wanted to cry too seeing his boyfriend in a pitiful state, he looked like a wet puppy abandoned on the side of the road.. Whatever had happened to Seunghyun Jiyong would make sure never happened again.  
“Come on with me hyung.” Jiyong gave a weak smile.  
Seunghyun looked into the younger’s eyes for a moment before giving a small smile and nodding his head.  
The both stood up, Jiyong still holding the other’s hand.  
His mother stood there in her pajamas staring at the two her face hard to read. The three stood in an awkward silence for a moment.  
“Uh Mom meet Seunghyun, Seunghyun meet my mom.”  
“N-nice to meet you, I-i’m s-so sorry.” Seunghyun looked down at his feet in embarrassment.  
“Don’t be honey, everything's okay as long as you are okay.” She smiled.  
Jiyong mouthed her a thank you.  
“Let’s take you back home with us and we’ll figure out what to do.” She ushered them to the car.  
Jiyong opened the rear down motioning for Seunghyun to get in, the older looked at the fabric seats.  
“I’m all wet I’m gonna soak you seat.”  
“It’s okay sweetie.” Jiyong’s mother spoke up alreading in the driver’s seat.  
He got in the car muttering a small sorry. Jiyong walked to the other rear door after shutting Seunghyun’s and got into sit beside him in the back.  
His mom started the car, the ride to the house was uncomfortably silent, Jiyong held Seunghyun’s hand the whole way.  
By the time they entered the house Seunghyun had stopped crying but he was visibly still shaken.  
“Jiyong why don’t you go show Seunghyun the bathroom so he can shower and get him some comfortable clothes. I think he could fit in Daesung’s clothes although they might fit a little small because of height.” Jiyong nodded.  
I’ll make some food we could all use a little something, is ramen okay?” She asked Seunghyun.  
“Yes mam, t-thank you.” Seunghyun said.  
She smiled at them before they went upstairs. Jiyong watched Seunghyun look around at the pictures of Jiyong’s family.  
“Your house is so nice.” Seunghyun mumbled.  
“Thanks.” Jiyong gave a smile.  
Seunghyun entered the bathroom, standing awkwardly.  
“I’ll go get you clothes and put them outside the door. We don’t have a lock sorry.”  
“C-can you stay for a moment, I don’t want to be alone.” Seunghyun said before Jiyong turned away.  
Jiyong nodded, “You know when I get upset I like to sit in the bathtub, it comforts me as silly as that sounds.”  
Seunghyun looked at the bathtub for a moment before crawling in his both facing the width making him pull his knees up to his chest to fit. Jiyong looked at the pitiful older boy, he was on the verge of tears again he could tell. Jiyong walked over looking down at Seunghyun.  
“Mind if I join.”  
Seunghyun just nodded, Jiyong climbed in the tub sitting next to him. They sat their for what seemed liked 10 minutes, it could’ve been that long in actuality. The only sounds made were the faint breathing noises from the two and the occasionally water running through the pipes.  
“Your mother is sweet.” Seunghyun finally spoke in a soft voice.  
Jiyong looked at the older, he was staring at the tile of the bathroom floor with sad eyes.  
“Thanks, I think so too.”  
One again they remained quiet for a couple of minutes.  
“I was seeing my mom.”  
“What do you mean?” Jiyong asked.  
“I was saw my mom tonight.” Seunghyun didn’t look up from the tile.  
“I thought she didn’t live anywhere close.”  
“She doesn’t, she lives almost an hour away. I took a bus to see her because my dad wouldn’t have taken me.”  
“Why not?”  
“Because he’s not a gullible idiot like me.” Seunghyun’s voice became choked and tears brimmed in his eyes.  
Jiyong’s heart hurt once again, he took the older boy’s hand in his own for comfort.  
“You’re not an idiot hyung.”  
“Yes. I am you don’t understand.” Seunghyun was crying again, tears running down his face.  
“Make me understand.” Jiyong said softly wiping away the older tears with the sleeve of his shirt.  
It took the older a minute to calm down before he could speak again.  
“My mom when she was still married to my dad, you know years ago when I was a kid, she used to abuse me.” Seunghyun gave a long sigh before continuing, “My dad used to be a trucker so he’d be gone for long periods of time and it would just be my mom and I. I never understood why when I was younger but her moods would change at the drop of a hat. One minute we’d be giggling and listening to old record while she baked cookies and the next minute she would be screaming and beating me black and blue. It’d be over the tiniest things to, my bed wouldn’t be made properly, or I tracked mud in when I came in from playing in the yard. She would beat me with a broom, a belt, she would kick me, one times she was so mad she hit me with the iron and now I have a huge scar on my side from the burn.” He took another second before continuing, Jiyong’s stomach hurt from listening to the horrors.  
“It’s funny,” Seunghyun laughed in a bitter way, “the beating never really hurt me as much as what she would scream at me. Sure a bruise would hurt but they go away with time, the words though, the still haunt me even today.” Seunghyun’s grip on Jiyong’s hand became tighter, “She would call me worthless, unwanted, stupid, a fuck up, and that’s the light stuff, there are things she said to me, her child, that I wouldn’t even say to my worst enemy.”  
Seunghyun wiped his dripping nose roughly with his hand, “She made me feel like shit, worse than shit, and she got away with it for years. My dad only found out when I-” Seunghyun stopped talking trembling and tucking even more into himself.  
“When you what Seunghyun hyung you can tell me.” Jiyong rubbed the older boy’s shoulder.  
“When I tried to kill myself for the first time. I learned how to tie knots in boy scouts so I put that to good use and tried to hang myself, the only reason I survived was because the ceiling fan was old and fell when I put the weight on it and my dad was home that time and heard the crash and found me. He also found my suicide note where I explained all the abuse she did to me. I was only 9.” He sobbed burying his face in his knees.  
Jiyong moved closer holding the other in his embrace and rubbing his back. They could feel each other's rapid heartbeats.  
“My dad divorced her and got remarried, he got a job as a fedex man, and life was suppose to be happy but it wasn’t. I had all these fucking mental issues and I got my mother’s fucking ocd. I couldn’t be a person with it, I self harmed, I couldn’t make friends, I was just alone. And my mother would still call me from time to time and I’m so stupid because I forgive her every time because I think of all the good times with her instead of the bad. Every single time I get into contact with her it ends up going wrong. That’s why everyone at school has been worried because when she’s in my life I can’t sleep and my mental health just gets fucking worse and worse and then she’ll hurt me again and then I try to commit suicide. I know this but yet again went behind everyone’s back and I got in contact with her this week and she seemed like a fucking new person so I went and saw her tonight and before I couldn’t even sit down and talk with her before she was hurting me again over only being 10 minutes late. I let her too, I’m 18 and 6ft tall and I let her just beat me and scream at me. When she was done I didn’t even say anything I just ran and ran. I ended up at that park and I was going to jump off a bridge near by and kill myself if I hadn’t called you. I just don’t understand why she can’t just fucking love me.” Suenghyun cried.  
Jiyong couldn’t even imagine what it would have been like if the older had actually killed himself and he held him.  
“Shhh it's okay Hyung you don’t need her to love you because I love you and I’ll love you twice as much as she ever will.”  
Seunghyun looked up to meet his eyes staring into them with his own that were filled with tears.  
“You love me?”  
“I love you a lot.”  
“How? How can you love me after what I just told you?”  
“You deserve to be loved.” Jiyong answered softly.  
“I don’t deserve it at all, I’m broken and useless.  
“You aren’t useless, you are smart, caring, and helpful and everyone in the world is broken to some degree. I’m broken too but I don’t think that I don’t deserve love. I thought that too before, that I too was useless, dirty, and too broken to be loved, but then I met you and every time you look at me I feel like I’m not so bad after all. I don’t know if you love me, you don’t have to love me, you’ll never have to be in love with me, because I love you and I know you care about me and that’s enough for me. If anything you have more reason not to love me than I do you.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“Promise to keep a secret.”  
Seunghyun nodded.  
Jiyong sighed before beginning his story, “Before I came to this school I was in a mental hospital because I tried to kill myself too. I tried to end my life because for 2 months I was getting raped over and over again by a popular older boy at my high school.I just let him because I was too afraid. I couldn’t take it any more by November and I wasn’t eating or doing well in school and none of my family seemed to care about me. One night while everyone was at Seungri’s soccer game I slit my wrists in my bathtub and waited to die. Only I didn’t die because my older brother found me.” Jiyong bit his lip. “Here I am today, dirty and used.”  
The two sat in silence again holding each other.  
“I love you too very much and I mean that and you’re not dirty and you could never be dirty Jiyong. It wasn’t your fault that the dude was a evil monster to you.” Seunghyun said resting his head on the younger’s shoulder.  
“It’s not not your fault that you’re mother is like that too hyung.”  
Jiyong stared at their held hands.  
“Do you think one day we’ll be okay.” Seunghyun asked raising his head, their faces centimeters away from each other.  
“I think we will.” Jiyong said gazing into Seunghyun’s eyes.  
They stayed like this for moments, their hot breath felt on each other's skin until Jiyong spoke up, “Can I kiss you hyung?”  
Seunghyun nodded and their lips met together softly. Jiyong had never felt what a genuine kiss was like and sparks flew. It’s was nothing adult, no movement or tongue, just more like a long peck on the lips but to meant everything to him as they pulled he Jiyong felt warm and gooey all over.  
They stared at each other again before Seunghyun face made a big smile, “You are bright red.” He laughed.  
Jiyong laughed too sticking out his tongue, “You are too hyung.”  
They laughed some more holding each other in a hug in a world of their own.  
Both of their eyes snapped up when they heard throat clearing at the door. Jiyong’s mother stood their with a smirk on her face.  
“Ramen is downstairs when you're ready.”


	18. 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me. I'm very sorry it took me forever.   
> Life sucks.  
> Here is a small chapter, I know it's bad but it shows I havent completely called it quits. The story will progress and be hopefully less shitty (well knowing me it'll stay shit)  
> Thanks 
> 
> My Tumblr where you can yell at me for not updating because I deserve to be yelled at: giriboyloveskyungsoo
> 
> I also saw Monsta X in atlanta and it was great aside from my shitty seats. I couldn't afford to see Taeyang though and I'm sad.

Jiyong awoke to a gentle snoring invading his right ear. He groaned to himself, rubbing his puffy eyes before opening them ever so slightly. The room was fairly dark, the navy blue curtains blocked the morning sunlight pretty well. In the light you could make out the small white constellations that had been printed on the curtain. Jiyong's eyes wandered around the room staring at the super hero figurines and video game plushies before his brain finally registered and told him _This is Seungri's Room_. It was confirmed when he shifted his head to the right and saw Seungri's face smushed in a fluffy pillow a few inches away from his face. Not close enough to feel Seungri's warm breath and wishing he was, the closer air getting into his small body even under Seungri's bedding that matched the curtains.

He frowned, not at Seungri, but because he hadn't remembered falling alseep in his younger brothers room. Jiyong stretched before carefully sliding out of the fleece sheets and making his way to the door.

He entered the hallway scratching his back. Jiyong's eyes immediatly closed as much as they could. The hallway of the second story was very open, if he walked a few feet to the top of the stairs any neighbor could see a disheveled sleepy Jiyong in last nights clothes because of the floor to ceiling windows surrounding the front door. The morning light came pouring in that way, hurting his sensitive eyes. Jiyong's bare feet dragged along the cream carpet. Even though he was practically blind he successfully made his way to his own bedroom. He turned the cold silver door nob.

As he walked into his own room, which was even colder than Seungri's, his eyes had become a little more adjusted.  Jiyong froze in the door frame, one boney foot in the room and one still out in the hallway, as he saw that his room was not empty.

Jiyong stood still he didn't snap out of it until his vision became a little blurry from something. Tears? Was he crying? He felt stupid about it but he did sort of understand why he felt a tear run down his face.

Seunghyun was in his bed, Jiyong's bed, the older boy was sound asleep. Jiyong's massive amount of blankets were tucked around Seunghyun. The only thing sticking out was a messy head of his thick black hair and his face.

His face, Seunghyun's face, was the reason Jiyong found himself weeping. It was like a baby's face. Not even a baby, a baby would still be too dirty and soiled to compare it to. It was more like a newborns face, when it's in the stage right after it's born but not so new where it's still covered in blood and goo. Rather when it gets it's first bath and is wrapped up in the white blanket with the blue and pink stipes on it. That kind of face. Pure and at peace.

Jiyong had never seen Seunghyun's face at such peace, even when happy Seunghyun always had underlying panic or sadness, anyone could read if they paid close enough attention.

Now, however, it was completely soft and carefree, innocent. Like he had never had a problem in his life.

That's why Jiyong was crying. He didn't understand why Seunghyun couldn't be that way why he was awake. Seunghyun didn't deserve all the pain and torture he had been recieved in life. He deserved to be as pure and innocent as he looked right now.

Jiyong wiped his face with his sleeve before creeping into the room. He climbed on the the bed, and shuffed into the blankets, there was just enough room to lay down right next to the older boy, if Jiyong had been even slightly bigger there wouldn't have been space. He was centimeters away from Seunghyun, feeling the radiating heat from his body and the warm breath on his face that he didn't get from Seungri.

He wasn't scared when his body finally pressed against Seunghyun's, he was surpsingly comfortable. A few weeks ago, he wouldn't felt panicked like he was dying. Had he improved vastly? No, the panic and fear still came to him now when a student in the hallway bumped into him or even when CL grazed his skin too much.

He had improved though, even if it was just a little, because right now he was happy as he rested his head on Seunghyun's chest as it slowly rised and fell with each sleeping breath.

Jiyong had hated the world for so long, to him it was nothing more than evil and miserable people hunting down more people to make evil and miserable. For the first time however, he felt like those thoughts were not entirely true. If the world 100% horrible how did perfect moments like this exist?

Maybe life wasn't as bad as he thought it was as he stared at Seunghyun's face. He hoped that it wasn't as he fell back asleep easily.


End file.
